Hosanna

So I've been tryin to get back on the wagon with being more intentional with my Bible reading as of late, and while the results haven't exactly worked out, on the rare occasion I get it done, it always comes out applying eerily well to the situation at hand. Some might say that you just naturally read your own situation and thoughts into anything you look at, and I'd have the same results reading the newspaper, but I'll hold to my natural ability to disagree.

All that aside, tonight I'm reading John 12(found here for reference)
and something struck me as funny. The word, "hosanna," as my footnotes told me, was an old word meaning both, "to save" and is also a word of praise. Indeed, good ol' wikipedia bears out similar info where it also notes that the original Hebrew word, "hoshana" was mostly identified with the Feast of Sukkot, or the Feast of Tabernacles, which in part commemorated the wandering of the Israelites in the desert. (it also celebrated the yearly harvest in their new realm of the Promised Land, so nice dichotomy there) So the reason I mention all of this is that the reason why I keep "falling off the wagon" in regards to pretty much anything spiritual is that my attitude just doesn't fit it. I tend to be more focused on the fact that I feel depressed, or tired, or angry, etc. Why should I focus on worship and prayer, when I just wanna be focused on bein down? But that's the thing, praise and prayer go hand in hand because being grateful to God and being desperate to get out of your situation do to! Why do I continually fall back on believing things need to be right before I reach back out to Him, rather than reaching out first? Why do I feel like I gotta stop feeling depressed before I can spend some quiet time alone with the Father? I wanna get through the crashing waves and the storming sea of Galilee BEFORE I go alone up to the mountain to pray, when it should so obviously be the other way around!

Anyways, my two cents about where I'm at...

The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

So I was talking with my friend Marianne last night, and bemoaning the fact that more and more I feel like the daily grind is killing me. I feel like all I ever manage to accomplish these days is going to work and then going home, with a light sprinkling of sociality and going to church on Sundays. I feel like the stress of life keeps pulling me back down, so that my head never quite gets above water. I worry about work, I worry about money, I worry about finding the "love of my life." I want and crave the day when my life can become comfortable, when I can settle down into being a husband, and a father, to volunteer in some ministry, and work hard at my job. I long for the day when I don't feel like I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and Thursday is a long day of stress and hoping that once the direct deposit goes through on Friday everything will be ok.

Then, this morning, for my devotions, I read this: http://tinyurl.com/mfb2wo

And I feel like kicking myself in the face and thanking God for it. It's not the daily grind that's killing me, it's my focus on it. It's not that I have to long for some future "comfortable" life, cause chances are that's only ever going to exist on "Leave it to Beaver." Life starts when I want it to, when I stick my head above the waves and stop looking at the water and start looking at Jesus. While my lack of faith is disturbing I cry out, "I believe! Help my unbelief!" And the waters calm and the walk begins anew.

Go team!

How I met the most important person in my life

So I've been reading the devotional blog for Vineyard Westside, today's entry and it appealed to me. Why am I so afraid to bring up Jesus at work? For the last year or so I've been more and more reticent to mention God, Jesus, the Bible, or anything else that would be a standard answer to a 1st grader sunday school question. Hell, in fact, I've been known to claim agnosticism now and then. Mostly in the past it's had to do with the fact that my own relationship with God was teetering on it's edge, and my lifestyle and attitude was sorely lacking. I am more than a bit of an ass, and my hormones have a bit more free reign on my actions then they have a right to. I'm often embarrassed to talk about Jesus to people who know me, not because I'm afraid of what they might think of me afterwards, but of what they might think of him. My attitude, my "whinyness," or, worse yet, my on again off again periods of malaise and self-pity. I want to wear Him well, and I can't help but wonder if He's embarrassed of me at times. But the answer is not to be overwhelmed with guilt, rather to wear my weaknesses as a point of pride, to brag of my failings as how He's saving me still. To "beat my breast and proclaim the name of the Lord." Now to just figure out how to do that...

"Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel."

"humans are amazing creatures. All the wonders of the universe, and they created boredom."

"Destiny got you dressed this morning, now fear is trying to take your pants off." -The Tick

Do not forsake the fellowship

I really need to get into a small group.

I've been listening to mp3s of the sermons from VCC's series on The Creed, specifically the Nicean Creed, and a comment was made about the importance of unity within the congregation. A unity of purpose, a unity of spirit, and I got to thinking. Lately I've been feeling more and more that there's something missing and I can't help but think that it's the loss of connection and community within my spiritual life. I have some very good and close friends, but over the past year we just haven't had time to get together and hang out. What's more, the close friends that I have don't share my same perspective on faith. While normally this is one of the things I enjoy about them, they keep me grounded and offer alternative views, there are some situations I'm struggling with lately that I just can't discuss with them, they simply don't understand where I'm coming from I think. I want very much to grow in my walk with Christ, and as the verse says, "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I need some brothers in Christ I can turn to, and that I can trust to hold me accountable.