So I was talking with my friend Marianne last night, and bemoaning the fact that more and more I feel like the daily grind is killing me. I feel like all I ever manage to accomplish these days is going to work and then going home, with a light sprinkling of sociality and going to church on Sundays. I feel like the stress of life keeps pulling me back down, so that my head never quite gets above water. I worry about work, I worry about money, I worry about finding the "love of my life." I want and crave the day when my life can become comfortable, when I can settle down into being a husband, and a father, to volunteer in some ministry, and work hard at my job. I long for the day when I don't feel like I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and Thursday is a long day of stress and hoping that once the direct deposit goes through on Friday everything will be ok.
Then, this morning, for my devotions, I read this: http://tinyurl.com/mfb2wo
And I feel like kicking myself in the face and thanking God for it. It's not the daily grind that's killing me, it's my focus on it. It's not that I have to long for some future "comfortable" life, cause chances are that's only ever going to exist on "Leave it to Beaver." Life starts when I want it to, when I stick my head above the waves and stop looking at the water and start looking at Jesus. While my lack of faith is disturbing I cry out, "I believe! Help my unbelief!" And the waters calm and the walk begins anew.
Go team!
