(this was originally written on July 7, 2010, and left in draft form. I have no idea where it was going, or how it was to end, but I'm publishing because, for me, it's an interesting contrast in where I was three years ago)
Hiyo, it's me again. Remember me? Yeah, me neither.
So for the last couple weeks I've been working my way through some stuff. The usual struggle, "Who am I? Why am I here?" Also, can't help but suddenly be wondering why Ross Perot picked that guy as his Vice Presidential candidate in the first place.
While praying lately, I've been crying out to God and expressing my sense of identity crisis, and over and over again when I ask the question, "Who am I?" the answer resoundingly seems to be, "nothing."
That is, not an absence of an answer but literally, "nothing." As in, "no identity whatsoever." At first, this was a problem for me. I was always raised in the idea that God wants us to be Something, regardless of what that may be. It kinda depressed me, even so far as I wrote it off as not being from God, but from my own depression, which as we all know is well and strong, not leaving soon. But then yesterday, it hit me like a pan in the face while doing my morning reading. I've been working my way through the inestimable "Professor Horner's Ten Lists"(which sounds more like a snake oil salesman's ad than it does a Bible reading plan) and have found myself in the book of Galatians. Specifically, yesterday Galatians 6:3 I had to go look up the commentary on the verse, if you click that link about halfway down you'll rather helpfully find Wesley's notes on the matter, where he states, "When he is nothing, he deceiveth himself - He alone will bear their burdens, who knows himself to be nothing." In which it seems Mr. Wesley bears to indicate that the one who is "nothing" and knows and accepts it, does so in service to others. While cross referencing, (with the help of NETBible, thank you Micah for that reference tool) I began to think of the verse that refereces "Clay pots."(see2 Corinthians 4,Romans 9, and Jeremiah chapter 18) and I realized, "it's not about me."
For the longest time, I've been raised to believe that we are defined by our "calling." After all, at various points in my life I've believed that I was "called" to be a Teacher, a Preacher, or some other such sanctimonious bullcrap. Y'see, everytime I'd get caught up in a "calling," it very quickly became all about me. I had to tell people that I was "in training" to be a "church planter" or whatever else was my flavor for the day. So I can't begin to tell you how freeing it is to read words like in this blog posting from the "Rebel Pilgrim" site.
