The Twelve: Baptizer

He first showed up on the banks of the Mississippi River, near Wood River, Illinois. He was calling himself simply “The Baptizer,” but it was known that his name was John. His father had been a pastor of a small country church, indeed, his whole family line had been preachers going back to the days of Lincoln. His great great grandfather had built one of the first churches in the area west of the Big River.

John was dressed like no conventional preacher, in fact, if you’d seen him drunk on a street corner of New York City, you likely wouldn’t have turned so much as an eye. His beard was scraggled and hung down well below the collar of the army surplus jacket he wore, covering the layers of cast of t-shirts and old college sweaters. His pants were torn and stained cargos, the back left pocket completely removed, while he leaned on a makeshift walking stick, covered with various stickers and bumper decals. He had a strange smell about him, likely from the cold canned beans and occasional MREs that made up the majority of his diet. He’d be any common beggar, if it weren’t for his eyes.

He’d look at you with this penetrating stare, and deep inside you’d feel like he was looking directly into your soul. Then he’d say something like he’d read your mail, knowing exactly what your fears, concerns, or hopes were, sometimes before you could even vocalize them. At first, he just stopped people in town for random conversation. They’d assume he was looking for money, until he’d tell them “The Kingdom of God is coming,” then proceed to list their sins and tell them to be prepared. After a while, he had enough of a following that he moved to the riverside and offering to baptize any who wished to repent, telling them that he was laying the pathway for the Kingdom to Come.

One day a group of ministers from the city came to see him, as he’d been getting a following online. Their youth groups had been wearing thin as kids were spending their time going out to watch John instead of going to the services, which mean their parents were often not going either, which hit the minister’s pocket books.

When they arrived, John cried out to them, “You snakes! You vipers! Who told you to come and hide from the coming storm? The destruction is coming, and those who fail to measure up will be cast into fire! What would you do to hide yourselves? Dress in fine suits? Cast yourselves in front of the closest TV camera? You can say to the tabloids all you like how you are ‘godly people,’ but the one who knows what is in your heart is coming, and he will usher you into the flames!” The ministers went away in disgust at their treatment, claiming he was insane and threatening to call the authorities for his “protection.” After they left, the people looked to John and asked, “but what should we do?”

Pointing at one man standing in the crowd, John shouted, “you! You have food and clothing, go now and share what you have with the poor.”  A drug dealer came forward and said, “and what about me?” John replied “take what funds you have, and go find those you have poisoned. Give them homes and food to eat. Give them strength to find their freedom, and hold their hands in their times of pain to come.” A police officer stood up and said “what about me?” John answered, “protect those you have been placed with, use no force where unnecessary, and serve only with kindness and love.”

While he was speaking, Jesus came into the crowd, but did not say anything. John sited him and screamed.

“LOOK! I told you I was only a voice in the wilderness, calling for the path to be made, but here stand the lamb of God! One who’s shoes I am not fit to tie!” John ran forward in the water, splashing and tearing his way through the mud, throwing himself at Jesus’ feet. “My Lord!” he cried, “I am ready for you to make me clean! Free me from my burdens!”

Leaning down to touch him, Jesus said “No, John. The time has come for me to be baptized. You have made the road ready for me, but I will have your blessing first.” John stared at him, perplexed, but he stood and did as Jesus asked, baptizing him in the waters of the Mississippi, and praying over him. It was at that moment that a bright light exploded from the sky. Some said they heard a voice, but some said it was only noise. John later claimed the voice said “This is my son and my heir. I am proud of him.”

Jesus then went away into the wilderness.

The Giver not the Receiver

 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,  and to still another the interpretation of tongues.  All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines."

So I haven’t written anything lately, and if you’re one of the maybe two people who actually pay attention to this, I apologize. I’d say I was busy, or other things came up, but that’s just not true. Rather, what it’s been is that I’ve not really been in the proper place for writing. I’ve been struggling personally with ego and pride to a greater extent than normal in the last few weeks, and I made the decision to not post anything during that time because I felt that I was approaching posts as something designed to bring personal glory to myself rather than what it’s intended.(to practice writing and possibly share some things from God where appropriate) However, I had a conversation Wednesday night with a dear Christian brother that helped put some things in perspective for me, so we’re going to give this a whirl.

In Corinthians, as part of discussion of the Spiritual Gifts, Paul points out that we are all given these gifts. In fact, in some teachings, the word “portion” might be used here. In much the same way that if a parent made a meal for their children, giving one child a corner piece and another child a center piece would not necessarily indicate a greater or deeper love for one child over the other, but rather a desire to provide good things to both children, God’s gifting of the Spirit is never done to indicate that one person is more special or beloved than another, but that we each have these gifts or portions to better allow us to serve the rest of the church. Peter puts it in his letter, 1 Peter 4:10-11 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.”  The purpose of the gifts of the Spirit is to share the love of God. That’s why in the middle of a teaching on the gifts in 1 Corinthians, Paul stops to deliver what is so often referred to as the “love chapter.” It’s because he is providing for us the context in which the Spirit should be shared. We are not given our gifts or our talents to bring glory to ourselves, but to bring Glory to the Giver. I am no better or smarter or holier because I have the ability to preach or teach, in much the same way a teenager who is given a brand new Lexus by their parents is better than others on the road, the gift merely shows the benevolence of the giver.

But why is this so hard? Obviously, the Fall has introduced a different tone to our views of the Gifts of God in talents, abilities, and manifestations of the Spirit, in that sin wishes for us to take these as points of pride, rather than as points of gratitude. Prayerful consideration and regular humility are essential to properly demonstrating these gifts. It can also be incredibly helpful(in my own personal experience, not necessarily based on scripture) to tie the use of the gifts in with the discipline of confession. If we are transparent about our own struggles and temptations, we are less likely to see the demonstration of the gifts as something to bring us glory, and more likely to bring the Glory to God.

The Meaning of Marriage Week 8 Sex

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, entitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 8)

OPENING PRAYER: God, ask that you bless this time together, allowing us open minds to engage in conversations that might feel uncomfortable so that we can learn and grow together.  Amen.

There is a new tv series being released this summer that focuses on a “modern” marriage, in which both members choose to sleep with other people as a way of “saving” their marriage. Carrying the tagline of “would you risk your marriage to save it?” the show purports to be a “post modern love story” as it follows the husband and wife, as well as the male escort the wife hires, and the mistress the husband finds. Beyond the premise, it’s hard to know exactly what the show will have to say since it hasn’t aired yet, but the story of how “confining and boring” the traditionally presented view of sex that is presented within churches so often is a theme seen throughout entertainment and society as a whole. This week, we take on this topic and ask ourselves, “What does the Bible really say about sex? How should it be expressed in our lives as we choose to follow Jesus?”

Icebreaker: Explaining the “birds and the bees” is an often awkward experience for both parents and children. Who had “the talk” with you and how did they do it? If you’ve had “the talk” with children of your own, how did you approach it? If you haven’t yet, how would you?

We’ve referred several times throughout our series to the opening chapters of the book of Genesis in the Bible, when we are told of the creation of Adam and then Eve. In Genesis 2:24, we read:

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

The phrase “united to his wife” is often translated in older copies of the Bible as “cleave to his wife.” The idea of the verse being that they are joined together in a deep way. The word that’s translated as “flesh” is commonly used as a symbol for more than just a physical body, but the person’s whole being. Our heart, body, mind, and soul, as it were. This image is given to show that there is a connection between a husband and wife that is deeper than just physical intimacy, but that sex is the symbol of that joining. Jesus quotes this passage from Genesis when He is asked by the Pharisees whether or not it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. In Matthew 19:4-6 we read

“’Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Jesus seems to be indicating that not only is there a joining of the man and woman in the sexual act, but that in a way God is present in the joining as well. That He is forming and knitting them together in a way that is not meant to be separated.

By the way, you may think that Jesus is just referring to the act of being married as the part where God is joining the man and woman together, but it is important to know that at this time in history, sex was actually a part of the marriage ceremony. The bride and groom would go into a room at the bride’s father’s house called the “chuppah” together and consummate their marriage, while the wedding party waited outside and listened.(and you thought your wedding reception had its awkward moments.) So for Jesus and His audience, being married and having sex were very much one and the same.

Discussion: Knowing that sex is a joining of each other with God’s involvement, how does this change the way we view the connection it brings?

This kind of deep joining brings with it a huge risk, doesn’t it? We know all too often that in our world today, just because you’ve had sex with someone, it doesn’t guarantee that they will remain in your life forever. In fact, in many cases, it may lead almost immediately to them leaving, if that was their only goal in the relationship. It’s often all too easy to fall prey to those who see sex as an end in itself, rather than a means to a deeper relationship. Or it may be that you were in a relationship that you truly expected to last, where you thought you were committed to each other for “the long haul,” but things simply didn’t work out that way.

When we are “joined together in one flesh” with someone that then leaves, we can often find ourselves in a position where we leave a part of ourselves behind with that person in a way. We’ve joined with them, mind, body, heart, and soul, and all of these can be broken and wounded when the person we’ve been joined to has gone away, sometimes because they’ve abandoned us, or sometimes because of the pains of this world(death). These wounds can be deeply painful, and have an effect on the other relationships in our lives. But the good news is that the same Jesus who healed the broken and the blind can heal us of this too! In Luke 4:18, Jesus quotes the prophet Isaiah when speaking about His own ministry:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,”

Discussion: What do you think it means to think of the healing that comes from Jesus in the context of these kinds of wounds from sexual experiences? If you’ve been wounded this way, have you previously p-rayed for healing for these wounds? If so, how did God deliver in that prayer? (if not, we will be taking a time for prayer at the end of our lesson tonight, please seek this prayer within the group!)

Earlier in Genesis, before He creates Adam and Eve, God describes what He is going to do in 1:26-27

“Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

God is describing Adam and Eve as being made in His “image.” Again, there’s something interesting to the original word used here. The word we translate as “image” is “tselem,” and is used elsewhere in the old testament to describe idols built by humans to worship other gods. Humans were put on earth as the representatives of God. We are His “image” bearers. In I Corinthians 6:19-20, Paul writes

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

There is something deeply Godlike about how we are made, and when we are brought together in sexual experience, this is heightened. We are meant to be God’s representatives on Earth, and this affects how we are to treat each other in regards to sex. Even if single, the question of how you view or approach members of the opposite gender comes into play here. Studies show that as much as 40 million adults in the United States visit pornography websites on a regular basis. The average age that a child in the United States is first exposed to pornography is 11. When we view the other gender as an object of sexual fantasy, we are looking at what God has created to be His image on Earth. We take those who were designed to be the image bearers and make them into a mere object for gratification. Even if we never say or do anything acting on those thoughts, we have misused God’s creation. In Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus says

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Discussion: What does it mean to you to think of yourself, your spouse, or any other member of the opposite gender as an “image bearer” of God? Considering Jesus’ words, that looking at someone lustfully is the same as committing adultery, how does this change your approach to your thought life? How do you think this can wound the person having these thoughts in the first place?

Finally, the question becomes how does this apply for those of us who are single? As we seek to follow God’s will in our sexual lives the same as elsewhere, how do we best navigate in a world where sexual encounters are considered part and parcel with dating? Barry mentioned a progression taught by Richard Foster that illustrated the progression from first meeting to marriage. As a couple draws closer together, more intimacy will naturally follow, with self-giving love as the foundation. This reminds us of the illustration from week’s discussion showing a couple drawn closer together as they both pursue a relationship with God first.

  

As we seek to draw closer together in a Christ-like way, it’s important to remember that this self-giving love is our foundation, and drawing closer to God is our priority. This helps to guard us against the temptation. We remember the words from James 1:13-15:

“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

James highlights for us here that sin is a progression to death. As we find ourselves in physical relationships, we must seek to ensure that we are following the appropriate path for where we are in the relationship. Making out, for example, is not sinful in and of itself, but if we let it carry no meaning and bring it into a relationship where we have not reached a similar level of intimacy intellectually, spiritually, or emotionally, we may be setting ourselves up for a road of further and more difficult temptations to come. Letting “desire be conceived” in our hearts. A refrain repeated twice in the book of Song of Solomon(a GREAT book of the Bible to study if you want to see the beauty that God attaches to sex) is “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Reminding us to not light the fires of our desire in our hearts if we are not prepared for the commitment that it should carry. The self-giving love that Jesus gives us for each other does not desire to treat each other as sexual objects, but as loving partners to share in the gifts that God has given us in a holy and righteous ways. Sex included.

Discussion: How do you determine what is and isn’t proper at stages in a relationship? How does intimacy continue to grow and develop in marriage like it does in dating?

Leaders: For prayer this week, if there are members of both genders in your group, it is recommended that if possible, split into two group, men and women separate. If comfortable for the members of your group, take time to pray openly for each other, particularly set aside time to pray for those who may feel they’ve been wounded in the past in regards to the topics discussed tonight. Details do not need to be shared, the Bible says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us in prayer, and God knows everything that is on our hearts, but please depending on the comfort level of your group, make some time for this prayer with each other. Silently even if necessary.

[the writer of this guide would like to thank the book Sex God by Rob Bell for having been very useful in writing this week’s discussion.]

Isaiah 43:1

The truth is, I all too often feel like I'm "less."

Less than worthwhile, less than attractive, less than desirable. I feel like I am less than a friend, less than a brother, less than a dear one. I feel like I am a passing wind, or a loose fire. That I will burn away and then be gone. I feel impermanent and inconspicuous.

I'm told so many things by others. That I'm not fit to lead, that I'm unwise or unreliable. I'm told that I'm unattractive or just not interesting enough. I may be a fun guy, but just not the one you want to follow, to trust, or to love.

There are those who only seek me out when they have no other options, or while they're waiting on something "better" to come along. I know when they're feeling alone because it's the only time I'll hear from them.

But here's the thing. The liar I can't stand, the one who is nothing but disrespectful and who cheapens me

is me.

I tell myself the worst things, and I repeat them like a mantra. I'm not good enough. But skinny enough. Not smart enough. Not suave enough.

"But He who formed you, Oh Jacob, who formed you, oh Israel."

There is one who speaks truth. One who sees my worth and my value. One who sees into my very soul. The One who knows my darkest nights and bleakest desires. The One who says I am worthy, even when all else says I am not. The One who says I am desired, even when I am buried in the grave of my own self hatred. When my tomb of despair is shut, there is One who will blast open the doors and declare the light into the dark places.
I am Yours, I am precious in Your sight.

"If you want to work here, close," or "bear good fruit"

The following is a repost of a bit I wrote on Facebook a while back, I thought it was still worthwhile so keeping here

Today, I had the distinct pleasure of reading an article that, for me anyway, was probably the best kick in the pants Bible study I've had in a while. It may surprise you to learn that this article was on Cracked.com.

Now, for those of you who don't waste a great deal of time on the internet, Cracked is NOT a "religious" or "inspirational" website. It is certainly not a "Christian" website. Before posting a link to said article, I would like to first warn you that it is not exactly "family friendly" language.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

Now here's the deal if you don't want to read the article. The primary point is, you want to be a great person? Do something about it. The article doesn't necessarily tell you WHAT to do, just that you should DO something. If you want to be a writer, write. If you want to be a singer, sing. Don't wait for your Big Chance, GO-do whatever it is you are meant to truly DO.

Action speaks louder than words. Demonstrably so.

Why does this seem a revelation? Because, as much as I might hate to admit it, I HATE to take action. My preferred evening involves a pipe, bourbon, and netflix. I can waste literally HOURS on the good ol' internet. My biggest accomplishment this week, depending on your point of view, was either processing paperwork at my job, washing a load of dishes, seeing "The Hobbit," or building a third house in Skyrim. It is so much easier to say that I'm a "good man" or a "hard worker," but until I actually take an action, those things are meaningless. I can claim to Love, but if I only have a string of shallow relationships, wherein I never truly devote myself to another person, placing their needs above mine, my claim means nothing. I can claim to be a "good Christian," but as long as my acts to serve others are limited to simply saying, "I'll pray for you," I've failed completely.

And see, that's the key. What you DO is what matters. No one cares how nice you are, no one cares how good thinking you are, or how much you "care," they care about what you DO. Do you CLOSE, do you make things happen. Do you get your fingernails caked with dirt, and your feet calloused by asphalt, otherwise, you haven't even begun.

To echo scripture as clumsily as I possibly can, you can say in your heart that you Believe in God, but unless that belief comes out in action, it is simply the fallow soil that your infertile seeds have been tossed upon.

I'd like to say this is a Catalyst. That from this moment forward, my life will be different, that I will delete my Netflix account, stop playing video games, and devote all of my free time to feeding poor children and building houses, but I won't lie. I have “Mighty Wind” playing on the TV right now, and I'll probably be playing some Skyrim later this week, but all I can say is, I'll do SOMETHING, or at the very least, I'll try.

And let's face it, some days, that's all we really can do.

The Twelve:Cleansing of the Temple

After the march in DC, we had a lot more attention than ever before. I mean, Jesus had always attracted attention, but before it was local news, or bloggers that were showing up. Occasionally, it would be a magazine, or some big newspaper that would show up to do what they always called a “human interest” piece, bet even they usually barely understood what he was saying and the stories would get relegated to the back pages of publication. But now it was big time cable companies, or national broadcast news teams. Dateline showed up at one point, and CNN had a guy assigned to follow us full time. We all started to really feel like the pressure was on.

Jesus seemed to take it in stride, but some of their questions would annoy him. They’d ask him to give perspective on this political movement, or that news event, and sometimes he would make this face that we all knew meant he was getting annoyed because they were missing the point.(we’d seen the look directed at us more than a few times) Usually, he’d patiently try and answer them by turning it back on them, or using one of his parables to make another point, but every once in a while you could tell he’d just get fed up he’d start talking about “leavening” and then he’d disappear for a while to pray by himself.

It was one of those times, we were still in DC, and the press were hamming it up pretty good. They’d been asking him to comment about some starlet who’d been found overdosed in her bedroom. They said her name and he got this hurt and sad look on his face. Then they asked if it was a sign of the “determination of our youth” and if she’d “paid the price for her poor choices,” and he just got this disgusted look when he glared at the reporter. No words were said, but Mr. Dateline didn’t ask us anything more for the next hour.

It was this mood that Jesus was in when we got to the church. The First Church of the Divine was this big rambling building on the southern outskirts of DC. It wasn’t near as large or famous as the National Cathedral, but it had been getting pretty popular because some TV minister was based out of there. He had programs on some of the smaller cable networks, but every year around certain holidays, they’d put together a big program on one of the major networks, complete with singing and dancing, even some pyrotechnics, a real show. Consequently, there was always a crowd around the place, especially on Sundays. We weren’t sure why Jesus suddenly wanted to go there, he’d normally avoided a lot of the churches that had invited him, usually sticking to speaking in truck stop parking lots or public parks. But that morning, he’d woken up with this air of determination and announced we were going.

When we first got there, we took a bit to park, everyone piled into the various trucks and station wagons we used when caravanning around. We made our way up to the main building, along with the rest of the crowd. When we got in, we were surprised by how tightly packed the place was inside. There was a tour guide who was greeting everyone and explaining the history of the building. I’d mostly tuned him out and was looking around at all the people until I noticed Jesus’s face.

I hadn’t seen that look before.

I realized he’d been listening to the tour guide. Turns out the area we were in had used to be a homeless shelter and a food pantry when the church had first been built, but when they started attracting national attention they’d been “required” to repurpose the area to handle the giant influx of visitors. The whole section of the building had been turned into a marketplace of sorts. Selling books written by the famous pastor, videos of the big televised holiday selections, as well as all kinds of trinkets and bits that were branded with the church’s name and supposedly pithy sayings, usually based on some marketing campaign the place had run at one time or another. I think all of this wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the last part. All along the sides of the giant room, from the looks of things where the food had previously been served in a previous incarnation, there were clothes up on racks. The tour guide was explaining that the various people who came to visit the church were often not “properly attired” for television. Consequently, the church had for sale the finest suits and dresses to properly show the “ambiance” the church was looking for.

And that’s when Jesus went into a rage. He started by grabbing the display table in front of him and flipping it over, tossing keychains and bumper stickers to the ground. Next he grabbed some rack that was holding up sunglasses with the church’s logo on the side and started to swing it back and forth, scattering people from around him, making a clear path as people were screaming.

He was headed right for those clothes racks.

He started tearing them down, ripping suits and shredding dresses. He tossed torn bits of rags left over to the ground like they were chaff left from harvesting wheat. And the look in his eyes was quite frankly terrifying. Security showed up to escort him out, but he chased them off with the shear presence of his will. He screamed at the top of his lungs, “You’ve made my Father’s House into a den of thieves!”

And the cameras never stopped rolling. 

The Meaning of Marriage Week 7 Singleness

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, entitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 7)

OPENING PRAYER: God, we thank you for the gifts that you grant us. You know all things that we need and provide for us in all ways. We thank you for this daily. Amen

Imagine, if you will, a father with two sons. One son was into baseball. He lived and breathed it, sleeping with his mitt, talking about favorite players at the dinner table and watching recordings of famous games. The other son deeply loved art, constantly sketching, staying up late painting. He spent hours looking at famous works of art online, studying the brushstrokes of masters. For Christmas one year, the father got the first son trip to a Red’s game, where he got to sit by the dugout, then meet players after the game. He also got to go home with an autographed Joey Votto jersey. For the other son, a trip to the museum to see a new exhibition by a local artist, where he got to attend a dinner with Q&A with the artist, who also gifted the young man with a collection of brushes.

Which son got the greater gift? Which son did the father love more? The answer is neither, both received the gift that was meant for them. If the sons had traded gifts, it’s very likely that neither would have enjoyed it so much as if they had the gift intended for them. It was “cut to their size.” This week, we learn about the gifts that God grants us for “singleness” as well as married life.

Icebreaker: What is your favorite gift you’ve ever received? What made the gift so special? Now, going around the group, imagine you got the favorite gift of the person sitting opposite of you. (may need to retool this question based on how your group is seated) How would you feel about this gift? Would you get as much pleasure from it as the person who received it?

We’re looking this week at another verse written by the same author as our key marriage verse, Paul. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul lays out further guidelines for marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

“I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion”

It’s interesting that the word for gift here, “charisma” is the same word that Paul uses throughout his writings to describe the “Gifts of the Spirit.” In this, Paul is comparing singleness and married life to things like healing and prophecy. Each of us having our own roles to play.

Taking this further, when Paul talks about “But each of you has your own gift from God” when referring to singleness, we have to remember too that other gifts from God, such as prophecy or healing, are given, not to just enhance the life of the person moving in that gift, but to help grow and foster the church as a whole!

Discussion: What do you think it means to consider single life or married life as a spiritual gift? How might this affect the way you look at these parts of life in the church?

It’s helpful at this point to look further on in the same letter, when Paul goes on to talk about the gifts of God and how they interact with one another. 1 Corinthians 12:14-16

“Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.

This comes after Paul has listed some of the various gifts of the Spirit and how they are given out to those who receive them. Paul is talking about how we should never view one or more people in the body of Christ as more or less “important” because of their gifts, just like the two sons in our earlier story, neither could say the father loved them more or less because of their very different gifts. To each of us is given what we need for what God is calling us to at that particular time. And just like a person may have a moment in life where they experience the gift prophecy, but then later the gift of tongues, we may have different times in our life when God may have us in a gift of singleness(though we by nature will all have this gift at the start of our adult lives) and then later the gift of married life. Further, just like the person moving in healing cannot say that God loves them more or that the are holier than the person moving in the discerning of spirits, the person who has the gift of singleness cannot say that God loves them more or less, or that they are more or less holy, than the person to whom God is moving in the gift of marriage.

Discussion: In your own life, have you seen some of the gifts of God as better or worse than others? Have you experienced jealousy over the gifts that God may have given to someone else? How do you or did you move through this? How can we learn more about God and his love by looking at these gifts as equal?

This weekend, talked about how important it was to have a proper view of marriage, even if you are single. Barry read a quote from Timothy Keller, author of our companion book, The Meaning of Marriage.  “Singles cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced, well informed view of marriage. They will either under or over desire marriage, either way of thinking will distort their lives.” This gives us an interesting look at how a balanced approach to marriage can help the life of a single person. Many of us may know a person who has chased after relationships, looking at every member of the opposite sex as a possible partner, dropping the topic of marriage into almost every conversation. In fact, many of us may have BEEN that person at various points in our lives. Similarly speaking, we may all know someone who is constantly living the “single life,” speaking down about the idea of being “tied down” or “giving up on life” when referring to marriage. Constantly moving from one shallow relationship to another. Again, many of us may have been this person. We know that either way can be unhealthy, and both can lead to pain and loneliness.

To help illustrate this, I’d like to share with you a testimony of someone who’s experienced some of these extremes.

I know all too well how it feels to make an idol out of marriage. Several years ago, I found myself in a relationship with a woman who did not share my faith. Slowly, over time, I gave up more and more of the things that mattered to me in my life because I thought they would get in the way of my relationship with her. I believed that this was my one last chance as a happily married family life. To be clear, at no point did she require that I give any of these things up for her, but just the thought in my own head that they would get in the way of the relationship was enough to make me abandon those things. I slowly pulled away from God and my relationship with Him. At the time, I was blessed to be working in ministry, and I stepped away from that calling because I thought doing so would let me pursue the family I wanted. The woman had a daughter who had been born shortly before we’d begun dating, and in the course of the relationship, I was fashioning my heart more and more to fit with them. I was convinced this was my family. I had friends, both Christian and non-Christian, who stepped in to tell me that they were bothered by what they were seeing. I was fully and completely dedicated to the relationship, in many ways forcing things to grow faster than she may have been prepared for. After a few years, we decided to move in together in preparation for marriage. Again, this was something that previously I would have been opposed to, but now I pursued it because I thought it was what she had wanted. After almost a year of living together, she finally told me that she had been pursuing relationships with other men. I still did not easily let go and spent the next few months fighting to make the relationship work. Finally, she moved out, leaving me without the family I had imagined I was pursuing.

This began a period of my life when I pursued the opposite extreme. Out of fear of being hurt again, I resisted opening up emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually to anyone else, but in a desire to not be “alone” still attempted to date. This led to several years of broken and shallow short relationships. I also fed myself to work, an office job I’d picked up in the intervening time. My life was swallowed up with “singleness” but not the gift of God. Finally, through a personal crisis, I came back into my relationship with my Maker, and have begun to find the place where I belong. This does not mean I now exist in some blessed monk like existence of perfect happiness, in fact, most days I keep slipping into either one of the extremes, either desiring relationship enough to lose myself, or fearing marriage so much to cut off those around me. But every day, I pray and pursue God to find the place that he has for me.

Discussion: Looking at this testimony, where do we see the unhealthy view of marriage taking it’s toll? Have we had those experiences in our own lives? What do we pursue to find our proper place away from these extremes?

Again, we return to the idea of marriage or singleness as a gift from God, given for a specific time and place. It may be that some people are called to singleness for their whole lives, while others may be called to it for a season. If each of these are a gift from God, we are able to see that pursuing God in our lives helps us come closer to the gift, while pursuing someone else may only bring us closer to that person for a little while.

In a classic illustration used by many Christians, we can imagine a pyramid with God at the top, and a man and woman at opposite sides. If they move to get closer, the pyramid may be in the way, but if they climb the pyramid in an effort to get closer to God, they’re also drawn naturally closer to each other.

Discussion: How can or should this change our view of dating?

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Father, we thank you for the gifts that you provide in our lives. We seek your blessing as we honor the places that you have set for each of us, with no more honor for any one person, but all honor for you. In your name we pray, Amen.