The Meaning of Marriage Week 6 Embracing the Other

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, entitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 6)

OPENING PRAYER: God, we thank you for making each of us different. We thank you for letting us have the freedom to find thousands of different ways of expressing ourselves, and most of all, we thank you for loving us all no matter what. Amen.

This week, we learned of the importance of “Embracing the Other,” that is, embracing the differences between us. The fact that men and women are different should come as no surprise, stand-up comics the world over make the differences between men and women a regular part of their routines, and you can’t go through the tv channel listing without finding a few dozen sit coms that center on this very point. Jokes are often made in scientific circles that men and women are “different species,” and gender differences are often a powerful undertone to many different political debates.

But with all of these differences, we’re expected to live with each other. In God’s plan for the universe, He has a special place for men and women to work in cooperation with each other, not in spite of our differences, but because of them

Icebreaker: Who is the oddly paired couple you’ve ever met? What made them work?

Previously, we looked at Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” We discussed the Hebrew word that’s translated as “helper,” “Ezer” and looked at how it’s often used in the Bible to describe the relationship between God and human beings. It’s also interesting though that where the NIV says “suitable” is the word כְּנֶגְדּֽוֹ or “neged”(pronounced neh’-ghed). This word carries a complex meaning. In the book “Meaning of Marriage,” Kathy Keller describes the word has having the meaning “like opposite.” In many translations, the word is translated as “corresponding to,” picturing two puzzle pieces that fit together just so. When God created Eve, He was looking for a partner for Adam that wouldn’t just be different from Adam, but would be a kind of different that would be a completion of him. Complimenting him and matching him in a unique way that nothing else in creation would match.(God took all the animals before Adam beforehand to demonstrate this fact) As we’ve already seen when we looked at “ezer” this is by no means a “lesser” role, but very much an equal partner.

Discussion: Do you think it’s important to recognize the differences between couples? Do all couples recognize their differences right away, or do these differences become more obvious as they grow together? Is it hard to see how these differences can be completing each other?

Differences work out together. There is an entire trope in TV shows and movies about the awkward pairing of partners (usually cops in one form or another). Probably the first American film of the genre was “In the Heat of the Night” (Wikipedia shows that the Akira Kurosawa film “Stray Dog” predates it by 18 years), other well-known films of the genre include the timeless classic “Lethal Weapon” with Danny Glover and Mel Gibson. Wikipedia also includes a helpful list of other movies of the type, including films starring veteran cops teamed with criminals, cops teamed with dogs, and even one movie where Whoopie Goldberg gets teamed with a dinosaur.(“Theodore Rex” and apparently the winner of several “terrible movie” awards)

Discussion: Why do awkward pairings like this fascinate us so much? Why do we find it so entertaining to watch these apparently vastly different individuals be forced to work together?

The interesting thing about these films is that, inevitably, the awkward partners will find a way to work out in the end, usually better than they ever would have by themselves, and heartwarming, Hollywood induced lessons are learned in the space of not much more than an hour and a half. In fact, in many cases, these movies have sequels, which go on to start to struggle with having the same conflict, because we’ve seen the characters working together so well in the past.

In the same way, when we see men and women being drawn together in marriage, or even different people being drawn together in friendship, it’s often very hard at the outset to see how they’ll work together at all. So many times, though, we end up seeing that such pairings can work incredibly well! The Bible has many examples of this.

Discussion: Who is one friend you have that you would think of as being the most different from you? How do those differences help you enjoy each others company?

In first Samuel, we’re told the story of David and Jonathan, a pairing of friends who could not be more different. It practically reads like the description of a buddy copy movie. David is a country living shepherd boy, while Jonathon is the prince of the land, and the apparent heir to the entire kingdom. They meet after David slays Goliath and become fast friends for many years. When Jonathon sees that David is being prepared by God to become king in his place, Jonathon still embraces David as his friend, and recognizes that David is the one God intends to rule. Years later, when Jonathon is killed along with his brothers and his father, David mourns him as a lost brother, and seeks out Jonathon’s son, Mephibosheth, to live with him in the palace.

When Jesus was forming His ministry on earth, He had with Him many disciples who could not be more different from each other. Several were fisherman, a working class job which generally carried no education, one was a tax collector, a job which at the time was inherently dishonest and despised by the people. There was a revolutionary, a religious teacher, a prostitute, and any number of other disparate examples seen in the Gospels. By having such a following, Jesus was showing us a picture of the Kingdom He was forming. In one of His sermons, he says “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9) In the world Jesus was building, we would not fight over our differences, nor would we ignore them. We can celebrate the things that make us different, and draw success from the strengths it gives us.

Discussion: What does it mean to you that Jesus had such a wide variety of people following Him? What do you think it means to be a “peacemaker” when living in a world of these differences?

In a verse brought up on the weekend, Paul says to the Galatians, “So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26-28) In this, we’re seeing Paul call out what was at the time, some of the biggest differences between those in the Church, Jew and Gentile, slave and free, male and female, but then highlighting that we are brought together in Jesus. So is Paul saying these differences don’t exist anymore? Of course not! You didn’t stop being a man or a woman when you were baptized, and no one loses their ethnic or racial identities just because they become a Christian. What Paul is saying here is that the dividing wall has been torn down. In the time these verses were written, all of the groups mentioned here are groups that would not have been allowed to worship together. In the Jerusalem Temple, there was a literal wall that separated areas that the Jews could enter, but the Gentiles could not.  (interestingly enough, when Jesus smashed the tables of the money collectors, it was likely one of the areas that the Gentiles were allowed to be, commentators think that part of why Jesus was so angry was because it was one of these open areas of the Temple, where anyone in the world could come to worship God, was being set aside instead for financial thievery.) It was also common in synagogues of the time for men and women to be separated in worship, the same in pagan temples. Even today, in some very traditional religious groups(even Christian ones) it is not unusual to see men and women required to sit separate from one another, sometimes even with a wall between them. Same goes for slaves and freed people of the time. In these verses, Paul is highlighting that we are brought together to worship God, even though the rest of the world says we should be kept separated. It’s interesting to look at recent history and see the role that the Church played in the Civil Rights movement in the United States. The people of God will always recognize that it’s His will to bring people together, not keep them apart.

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Father, we thank you for the differences in our lives, and for the chance to learn more about you as we grow with others who are separate from ourselves. We pray that you bless us with your site for those around us as we go through the week, and look for the signs of You in them. In your name we pray, Amen. 

The Meaning of Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Obviously, the subject of marriage has been on my mind a great deal as of late. My local church, Vineyard of Florence, has been working through a series on marriage, and I will say, it’s been a blessing. We’ve heard some really great teachings on the topic, and they’ve been very careful to make sure that they’re not restricted to just the married couples in the church, but sharing general rules for relationships for those of us not in marriage either.

But that said, it’s still a hard topic to hear about sometimes when you are certainly not in that boat, like I am. Cooking dinner by myself can certainly be a lonely experience at times, and I definitely have my days when I think longingly of the idea of standing at the end of the aisle waiting for sometime to come walking down.

With this in mind, Paul’s words to the Corinthians can absolutely be a balm to me, but I want to be careful in approaching this. It can be very easy to let my reading be tinged with bitterness or anger. “Yeah, take that!” I might be tempted to say. “I’m better than all you married folks! I obviously love God more!”

Ok, calm down there, bucko. Paul’s words certainly can be used to fuel that rant if that’s your intention, but an honest reading has to recognize his words of balance. “one has this gift, another has that” I think it’s useful at this point to stop and read elsewhere

1 Corinthians 12:20-22, and 24b-26 “As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’ On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ...But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

To some the “gift of singleness” may be given and to other the “gift of marriage.” Both are gifts, and both are necessary parts of the Body of Christ. The Church(universal or cosmic here) wouldn’t be able to function if it were only made of single people or only made of married couples. I also think that leadership benefits from a Godly mix the two. I’ve had wonderful pastors who were married, and I’ve met wonderful pastors who were single. There is a benefit to both, and as Gifts or Manifestations of God in our lives, we have no right to think that we are somehow better or more privileged if we are one or the other.

With that said, it should be noted that this should help highlight in meaning that similarly speaking, singleness is just as much a gift and a manifestation of God as marriage is. Singleness is a blessed state when we may have things to offer that no married couple will.

In the past year as a single man, I’ve had many wonderful opportunities that I don’t think I would have if I were married, or at least I would not have had in exactly the same way. Some of them serve the Kingdom, and some of them serve me. Let’s list ten of them

11      I’ve been able to pursue a more disciplined Bible reading habit. Working my way through the Bible in a year(a feat that, despite years in Bible college and ministry training, along with serving in both professional and lay ministry, I have never attained)

22     I’ve been able to be planted into a wonderful small group of people and learn and pray side by side with them on a weekly basis, growing both in the Lord and as a person.

33     I’ve been able to enjoy all day marathons of watching all the Lord of the Rings movies at once.

44     I’ve devoured entire series through Netflix and Amazon Prime in a matter of weeks.

55     I’ve pursued a renewed focus on my personal health. Watching what I eat, balancing my fruits and veggies and walking. A LOT.

66     I’ve spent entire Sunday afternoons at Starbucks drinking endless free refills of coffee while writing or reading.

77     I’ve been there for friends struggling with depression, texting them throughout the day to cheer them up and let them know they are not alone.

88     I’ve stayed up all night talking to friends about any number of subjects. Quiet times when I get to know someone in a way that I hadn’t before, and participate in conversations that have stretched my mind and opened my heart.

99     I’ve perfected dozens of new recipes, and gotten to play around with new kitchen techniques that I’d never tried before. Mostly through VERY late night cooking.

110   I’ve delved into a new life of prayer, working to fix my mind Jesus throughout the day, and genuinely follow up on all of those “I’ll be praying for you” promises offered, seemingly meaninglessly, throughout the week.

I’m not saying I couldn’t have done those things while in a relationship, but I’ve been uniquely positioned to experience them in a special way because I am alone with God a lot of the time of my day. I’ve been able to pray in a new way, and learn in new ways, and that’s been refreshingly awesome. Now, please don’t take this as I’m constantly praying or reading, and that I’m a holier than though monk living the live of devotion. (Netflix and Amazon Prime do horrible things to my productivity.) Singleness has also opened me up to all kinds of distractions and temptations that I wouldn’t face otherwise.

So I think if I were to put it in a point, I would say there are three things that can be taken as “gifts” for singles in the Lord

1.       Being single can be a time for prayer and devotion unlike any else.

Having a much more complete control of your personal schedule can allow you to devote time to God in a way that others may not have. These can be days of prayer and fasting, seeking after God both in the late and quiet hours of the night, as well as the early and new minutes of the morning. Reading plans are a great way to get into this, or just choose a book you already enjoy and have at it. Delving in and studying it verse by verse.

2.       Being single can be a time for finding who you are in God.

It can be so hard to define ourselves in a given day. We have messages coming at us from all sides, seeking to tell us who we are and what we will be, but God is speaking completely different words to us.

                Isaiah 43:4 “Since you are precious and honored in my sight,  and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life”

It’s God’s desire to let us see that we have value in and of ourselves. Throughout the Bible we hear about the value of people, from the story of the Shepherd leaving the 99, to the Sacrifices made to secure the Promises. And of course, the story of Jesus himself. We do not have value only in our spouse, but we have value in ourselves. When we take the time to find that, we are able to receive a blessing like none other, and the truth is, this can be so much clearer when we are seeking it on our own with God, and not while we are tied into the daily obligations of family, serving a spouse and children.

3.       Being single can be a time of great service for the Kingdom.

There is so much to be done. Jesus said “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few”(Matt 9:37) It takes a lot of people to make church work. Even just looking at a weekend service, it can take dozens, if not hundreds of volunteers to make a weekend work for many local churches depending on size. And while married couples certainly can fill many of those roles, singles are specially positioned to be particularly effective in filling many of these positions. And not only that, there’s entire mission fields, both far and near that need the help. Get out of the church building and find ways to serve in your local community, volunteering in literacy campaigns, recycling drives, and neighborhood cleanups. Find new ways to love your neighbors as you love yourself. Things that may not be options for those who have to worry about being home in time to share dinner with someone, or who need to find out when in laws are coming into town to visit. Put yourself out there as someone willing to serve and willing to share the gifts you’ve been given, and you will be richly rewarded.

So singleness can indeed be a gift. I believe that there are some who may be called to it for life, but for all of us at least, it is at the very least a season we will have to go through. We can either take it as a waiting period for things to “really start” or we can take it as a Gift from God that we should cherish and be thankful for. Guess which one has more to offer?

The Twelve

So, when Jesus was first starting out, there were twelve of us that were in his inner circle. He called us his disciples.

The first two to join up were Peter and Andrew, a couple of truck drivers. They’d signed on when they met Jesus at a rally in some parking lot. Jesus had started a random conversation with a couple guys outside some strip mall off of interstate 71, and next thing he had a crowd around him. Pete and Andy were pulled over trying to catch a mid afternoon nap on their long haul from Columbus down to Atlanta, and Jesus asked to use the back of Pete’s truck. Pete opened up his back gate, and Jesus stood up there, using it as an impromptu stage. After that, they were hooked like fish and followed Jesus everywhere. Jesus nicknamed Pete “Rocky.”

After that were James and John. They hooked up with the group after Jesus healed John of a stab wound from some knife fight outside a bar at 3 in the morning. They were both members of this biker gang called the “Sons of Thunder,” and when we were travelling they both ran ahead on their Harley’s on the highway. Good guys, but they were an excitable bunch, which you’ll figure out as the story goes on.

While we were going through southern Texas, we picked up Phillpe’, he was a caterer working out of the local hotels and probably one of the best organizers you’ve ever met. He could put together a plan for anything from an eight year old’s birthday party with a pony to a nationwide marketing event using not much more than a clipboard, though he preferred Excel if he could get it. He also introduced Jesus to his friend Bartolome’ who was a migrant farmer hitchhiking his way across the south. Hard worker, and sharper than anyone I’ve ever met. When he first showed up Jesus called him “A man who could never lie,” and it pretty well fit.

I’m not sure when Thomas came along, he was a lawyer they’d met somewhere up east. Had a thick Boston accent, but from the stories he told he’d worked everywhere from New York to South Dakota. He had apparently been a heck of a defense attorney, but he’d always preferred pro bono work. No matter what topic was being discussed, he brought up the opposite point of view to the rest of group. Sometimes I think he did it just because he liked arguing so much. Got annoying as heck, but was useful quite a bit, especially after we were left in charge of everything.

I joined up with the group in Cincinnati. I was working as an auditor with the IRS at the time. I’m ashamed to say I was cushioning my income with bribes I took from people to get out of fines. I’d done pretty well at it until I tried it on Jesus. He called me out and in just three words he turned my entire world upside down. I sold everything I owned, tracked down all the people I’d ever cheated to pay them back, and then joined up. My brother James came along too. He’d been my assistant for years and I had done so much to teach him how to cheat, I wouldn’t have felt right if I’d showed him the better way too.

Those three words? Oh, “I love you.” Rocked my world, man.

From Cincinnati, we headed west to Chicago, that’s where we met Thad. He was a construction worker. Brave guy, he spent most of his days on the top of skyscrapers setting rebar and didn’t flinch at the site of anything. Years later he was beheaded for preaching in Beirut and he didn’t stop smiling at them the whole time.

We met Simon in Portland. He was one crazy guy. Long hair and a giant beard, covered in tattoos. He’d been a member of the Earth Liberation Front, had just finished a stay in prison for firebombing a lumber yard he started following Jesus. This guy was passionate down to the bones, and once he was determined that something was the “Right” thing to do, nothing would stop him. Jesus had to stop him a few times, but again, I don’t know if we’d been able to get through those years after Jesus left without Simon. He kept us going when stuff was the worst. “It’s just the FBI” he’d say, “What’re they gonna do, kill us? Bring it on.”  Made awesome campfire chili too. Took me two years before I figured out it was vegan. Never would have noticed.

The last one to sign on joined up back in Ohio on a return trip. Judas was probably the only one who was truly “religious” before joining up. His father and grandfather had both been preachers for years. He wore a suit every day and reminded us all the time that we needed to “look right for the public.”

I can’t think about that guy without wanting to cry or throw up. Probably both. 

Bourbon Dulce de Leche

So, here's something you're going to try some night this week.

Take two cans of sweetened condensed milk(already we're starting out well) and pour them out into a medium sized sauce pot. Now add a cup and a half of vanilla infused bourbon.

Ok, pause, here's how you make vanilla infused bourbon. Take a bottle of bourbon, add a handful of good quality split vanilla beans. Let sit for three days. Got it? Good.

Right, so after adding the vanilla infused bourbon, add three tablespoons of hazlenut oil. I've been seeing this increasingly easy to find. Most local Kroger stores I've been to has it in their cooking oil aisle. It ain't cheap, but boy is it worth it. AWESOME flavor to be added to a lot of your desserts. DO NOT fry with it, the flavor is gentle and delicate, and breaks down quickly under high heat. Buttercream frostings and ice cream though? Rock on, my friend.

Ok, so take all of this mix in the sauce pot and put over a low heat. I'd suggest adding a heat diffuser. If you're feeling fancy, a double boiler will do, if you're lazy and straight to the point, put the pot on top of a cast iron skillet(the single greatest friend to any home cook) and then put that on your burner. You're going to cook this low and gently for a while. Think 45 minutes to start(you're going to do this on a night you've got some free time). The idea is to cook the whole thing, mixing often, until it gets to the color and consistency of caramel topping. Once it's hit that point, pour out into a sealable container. It can be kept for days in the fridge, but I'll be honest, you'll be lucky if it lasts the weekend.

What do you use it for? Oh, all kinds of stuff, my friend. Makes an awesome bit of flair in any tres leches recipe(more on that some other time), and can be a phenomenal addition to various home baked cookies. But at the end of the day, I have two words for you. Words that when you combine them with this recipe, will blow your mind, shake your sanity, and bring you to a new plane of existence.

Ready?

Ice Cream.

Yeah, you're welcome. Oh, and if you want to play around with it some more, next time, instead of the vanilla infused bourbon, go with bacon infused bourbon. But that's a secret I'm not sharing yet.

Meaning of Marriage Week 5

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, entitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 5)

OPENING PRAYER: God, you are constantly pursuing us. Calling us home to you. There may be times when we come home, and times when we are far away. But you are always waiting at the front door, ready to see us coming from a distance. You run toward us and welcome us home, no matter how many times we’ve left. Thank you for your mercy and your forgiveness, new every day. Amen.

This week, we learned about how the relationship we have with God is mirrored so closely with the kind of relationship we have in marriage. The Bible is full of examples of our relationship with God being compared with a marriage. The Old Testament prophets used it repeatedly, and the New Testament ends with an image of Christ taking the Church as His bride in the greatest wedding celebration ever.

Icebreaker: What is the most memorable wedding you’ve ever been to? What made it stick out in your mind? What is something you’ve seen in another person’s wedding that you wish you could “steal”?

This week, we’re going to take a bit of a “break” and look at a particular book of the Bible that was mentioned in this week’s service.

Hosea 1:2 “When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, ‘Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord.’”

As was often the case in the Old Testament, as a prophet, Hosea was asked to live out his life as a prophecy. Many times this might involve things like taking on a new profession, or travelling to some distant city. It may even involve naming your children by some strange name.(Isaiah named one of his children “Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz”, meaning, "Spoil quickly, plunder speedily” as part of a prophecy. Imagine needing to put THAT on your papers in kindergarten!) Hosea, though, was commanded to build his entire family as a prophecy. In a land where the faithfulness of your wife and where great importance was put on being able to pass on your family destiny through your children, Hosea was commanded to take a wife he knew full well would not be faithful. In some translations, it’s put that she was “promiscuous” but it’s more commonly translated that she was a prostitute.

Discussion: What do you think it means that Hosea was commanded to take a wife like this? If Hosea is supposed to represent God, what does that say about us?

Next, Gomer, Hosea’s new wife, gave birth to children. We’re not told exactly how much time passed, but it’s at least indicated that these children may not really be Hosea’s. The first is named Jezreel. Now, this is interesting, because amongst other things, Jezreel was the name of a valley near Jerusalem. This valley was the site of many major battles, because of it’s natural position along some of the major travel ways between the various kingdoms that would come into play in Israel’s history, plus it was a relatively flat area that allowed for chariots as well as foot soldiers to do battle with each other in fairly large numbers. This was the site of many great atrocities as well as some of Israel’s more memorable victories. (It would continue to be the site of major battles for years to come. In fact, Revelation predicts a final battle there, near the city of Megiddo in the Jezreel Valley. The city is on top of a small mount, or “Har,” meaning that Jezreel was also often referred to as “Har Megiddo,” which became “Armageddon” in Greek) Gomer went on to have two more children, first a daughter, named “Lo-Ruhamah” which means “not loved” and another son, this time named “Lo-Ammi,” which means “not my people.” Each of these names were chosen by God and given to signify the status of His relationship with Israel at the time. God was essentially disowning Israel, not because He didn’t love them anymore, but because they had drifted so far away, worshipping other gods.

Discussion: What were some times when you felt truly far away from God? Did you feel like God knew how you felt? How did you come back? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t? What changed your mind?

Here’s the amazing thing. The thing that makes the book of Hosea so wonderful. (and one of my personal favorite Bible stories) Even as God talks about how far away Israel has gone, He immediately responds with how He’s going to bring them back.

Hosea 1:10-2:1 “Yet the Israelites will be like the sand on the seashore, which cannot be measured or counted. In the place where it was said to them, ‘You are not my people,’ they will be called ‘children of the living God.’ The people of Judah and the people of Israel will come together; they will appoint one leader and will come up out of the land, for great will be the day of Jezreel. Say of your brothers, ‘My people,’ and of your sisters, ‘My loved one.’”

Discussion: What’s it like to know that for when we are drifting away, God has a plan to try and bring us back?

After the children are born, Gomer runs away from Hosea. She ends up in some kind of slavery, and Hosea is told by God to go and get her back. He buys her both silver and barley and brings her home.

Hosea 3:4-5 “For the Israelites will live many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred stones, without ephod or household gods. Afterward the Israelites will return and seek the Lord their God and David their king. They will come trembling to the Lord and to his blessings in the last days.”

God depicts through Hosea the image of Israel losing the very things that once connected them to Him, their priests and kings, as well as the things they used to push God away, their household gods and sacred stones. He paints a picture of reconciliation. As the book goes on, God lists Israel’s sins. How Israel was free and innocent when He found them, how He harvest them and brought them into freedom. Think of all the Old Testament stories, of God waging war with Egypt in the plagues, demonstrating over and over again how He had dominated the other forces in their lives. Think of when they came to the Promised Land and God smashed the defending walls of the cities and took on whole armies for them. And yet they kept drifting away. But over and over again, God reached out to them

Before we close, we’re going to read one more passage from the Old Testament, this time from another Prophet named Isaiah. The leader or a volunteer will read this passage, but please read it slowly. Let’s take some time to quietly pray while the verses are read and listen carefully to what God is saying. Put yourself in Israel’s place and think about what God might be saying to you.

Isaiah 43:1-7 “But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who created you, Jacob,

he who formed you, Israel:

‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

nations in exchange for your life.

Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

I will bring your children from the east

and gather you from the west.

I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’

and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’

Bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the ends of the earth—

everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.’”

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Father, we thank you that no matter how far we may go, or how long we may have to come, you will always be with us. That we may stumble and we may even fall, but you will catch us so long as we stick out our hands.”  

Meaning of Marriage Week 4

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 4)

OPENING PRAYER: Lord Jesus, we ask that you, our true friend, take this time to teach us more about friendship. To those both in the church and outside, to relatives, and to our spouses. In your name we pray, Amen.

“Your mission should you choose to accept it…”

This week, we’re going to dig into the “Mission” of marriage. What it’s purpose is, why it was formed. When you understand the “why” of something, it can make the “how” so much easier to grasp!

Icebreaker: When you hear the word “mission,” what comes to mind? Is it a specific image or emotion? Maybe a story? How do you feel applying these things to marriage?

As stated, this week we dug into the “mission” of marriage. To begin, let’s look to the founding of marriage in the Bible. Take turns reading Genesis 2:4-15. *printed here if a Bible isn’t available.

This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, when the Lord God made the earth and the heavens.

Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth[a] and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, but streams[b] came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. The name of the first is the Pishon; it winds through the entire land of Havilah, where there is gold. (The gold of that land is good; aromatic resin and onyx are also there.) The name of the second river is the Gihon; it winds through the entire land of Cush. The name of the third river is the Tigris; it runs along the east side of Ashur. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

At this point, it’s pretty clear God had a purpose for Adam. The verses leading up to this have told us of God’s initiating Creation, taking the steps to bring into existence all of the things we would normally think of as part of our world. It’s been a well ordered process, broken up into “days” and has had clear categories for what God is making. Everything has had the mark of order and planning. Genesis chapter 1 has literally been the story of taking things from chaos(translated as “formless and empty” in the NIV) to beauty and structure.

But here’s the thing, up until now, none of the creatures described were given a “purpose.” God didn’t say to the fish, “it’s your job to patrol the oceans,” or say to the trees “I really need you guys to hold onto the ground and make sure it doesn’t run away.” We know from science that all things created have a very specific place in the world, and we’ve seen the kind of chaos that can be fraught when a species is driven into extinction.(Usually because human beings haven’t done their job of taking care of the “garden” of Earth) So it’s not that God didn’t have a purpose for those creatures, but humankind is the only portion of creation that God stopped to actually communicate His purpose to.

Discussion: How do you think we’re to interpret God’s mission given to Adam today? What does it mean that God’s stopping to tell Adam his purpose, but didn’t do so for anything else in creation?

Now let’s pick back up reading in Genesis 2:18-24

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Some very interesting things are happening here. In verse 18, God says that it’s not good for man to be alone. God has given Adam a HUGE job to do! And immediately God recognizes that there’s NO WAY Adam could ever do it on his own! God knows Adam will need some help to accomplish the things God has set out for him. Next, God says He will create a “helper” for Adam.

The word used here in the Hebrew is עֵ֫זֶר, or “Ezer.” (pronounced “et-zer” the “z” sound in the Hebrew is paired with a “t”)It is traditionally translated as “helper” throughout the Old Testament. But let’s look at some other verses it gets used in: (leaders, if possible, ask for some volunteers to read these verses)

Deuteronomy 33:29 “Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will tread on their heights.”

Hosea 13:9 “You are destroyed, Israel, because you are against me, against your helper”

Psalm 121:1-2(It gets used here TWICE!) “I lift up my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth”

1 Samuel 7:12 “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer,[ Ebenezer means stone of help] saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’”

Isn’t it interesting that this word, “Ezer” which gets used to describe the “helper” that God knows Adam needs, that God knows will be Eve, is used so often to describe our relationship with God? This should help us understand that this word, which we translate as “helper,” does NOT mean merely “assistant” or “employee.” It’s a source of strength and assuredness. An “ezer” is a crucial part of getting any project done. A true partner.

Discussion: How do you see your spouse as an “ezer”? How do you feel when you consider the verses describing God this way using the same word that God used to describe the purpose for Eve?

Discussion: Barry talked this week about how strong marriage should be based on friendship, and having something in common. Knowing what we’ve seen here with God’s mission given to Adam and Eve as “ezer”s for each other, how does this affect what we see in building a common purpose in our marriages?

Our homework last week was to take time praying for our spouse or another individual in our lives, and then look for one way to serve them. How did this go? Does anyone have experience to share from this?

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Lord God, we thank you for your love and your Spirit. We ask that you bless us today with the power to love each other in a truly self-giving way throughout our lives. For those of us who need your healing power to be able to experience and give this kind of love, we ask in Faith for that healing. Pour out your Spirit on us now. In your name we pray, Amen.”  

Meaning of Marriage Week 3

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 3)

OPENING PRAYER: Jesus, we ask that you take this time to show us how to better understand your love for us as we learn to grown in our love for others. Amen.

The third week of our study, we dig into what the “essence” of marriage is. Love. And a love that is steady and committed—one that is “more than a feeling.” Covenant Love.

As of this week, an auspicious crown has been won. The new most “liked” photo on Instagram is a picture from the wedding of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. It’s far too early to say anything about the longevity of this marriage, but we can hope that it fairs better than the subject of the previously most “liked” photo, one of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez kissing; Another famous celebrity couple who have had at least a few public splits and some less than kind words shared through the press.

What do these images and statements of love bring to mind? What should this tell us about the perception of love that we are exposed to on a regular basis, and how does this affect the way we approach relationships? How does this differ from the Biblical interpretation?

Icebreaker: (two options) Icebreaker A: What was your first “crush”? How would you best describe the feelings that were brought about by this? How did it end?

Icebreaker B: Let’s say you had the power to give millions of “likes” to a photo on Instagram. What couple do you think would be the subject of your preferred photo if you wanted to show what Covenant Love looked like?

At the crux of this week’s message was the difference between love as a feeling and love as a commitment. This difference was spelled out as the difference between marriages as a “consumer” relationship vs. a “covenant” relationship.

Discussion: What are some “consumer” relationships in your life? These are relationships based purely on the give and take. You are only as invested in the relationship as what you are getting out of it from the other end. Would it include your cable company? Your employer? What are the defining points of these relationships and what sets them apart?  What are the things you enjoy or dislike about these relationships?

Sometimes, consumer relationships can be a relief. They leave us knowing we are only committed to being there as long as we are getting something out of it. We know that we are “owed” something just for sticking it out. Many businesses have even sweetened this deal with things like repeat customer cards, which give us points for free coffee refills or discounts on gas for our cars after spending so much with a  given company over other competitors.

But here’s the thing, these “gifts” are only given because of the investment we have placed in the relationship with the given business. I’m quite proud of my Starbucks Gold card (has my name on it and everything), but if I lost my job tomorrow, Starbucks would not give me free coffee while I was out of work. They aren’t a “Covenantal” relationship. They are not committed to me for the long haul.

In Genesis, we see several examples of covenant relationships, mostly between God and Humankind. Probably one of the most well-known is in Genesis 15, when God said to Abraham that his descendants would be like the stars in number. At this point, God has Abraham get a sacrifice of a heifer, goat, ram, turtledove, and a pigeon. Abraham splits the bodies of the sacrifices in two and sets the halves of the bodies across from each other. Then that night, Abraham sees the Spirit of God in the form of a smoking oven and a torch pass between the sacrifices.

This is a very important symbol God is giving. In the days of the Old Testament, it was common for a covenant to be agreed to by a ceremony just like this. Sacrifices would be laid out and the signatories would walk between them. The symbol was supposed to say, “If either of us violates the covenant, we’ll be broken just like these sacrifices.” But Abraham didn’t walk between the sacrifices, God did alone.  In the covenant between God and this man, God was saying he would take the pain of the covenant if it was failed. (Foreshadowing Jesus’ death on the Cross)

In the covenant between God and Abraham, it’s not a relationship that will be easily broken. It’s one that’s committed to for the ages. In fact, a lot of scholars read the Bible as being a story of this covenant coming to fruition over time, with the Israelites at various times honoring the covenant and at times being disingenuous, leading to Jesus renewing the covenant with the whole world.  This is the kind of covenant that Paul is comparing marriage to in Ephesians 5, with statements such as “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” and “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” With the power of the Holy Spirit as discussed last week, we are expected to show a commitment to each other that echoes the commitment of Christ to the Church.

But this is not a commitment of feeling. As Timothy Keller points out in our companion book, Meaning of Marriage, “When Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think, ‘I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.’” Jesus did not devote himself out of a temporary feeling, or with the idea of giving what he got.  He gave completely out of covenant devotion, fulfilling in many ways God’s promise to Abraham.

Discussion: If we are to compare our devotion to each other in marriage to the devotion that God showed to us through Jesus, how does this change what we might think of as love?

But how do we pursue love this way? What are the steps that we should take to have a more covenantal love to those around us?

Discussion: Choose one major relationship in your life. If married, go with your marriage, if unmarried, pick someone else who you are in relationship with (romantic or non-romantic). What is one thing you could change that would make that relationship more like a covenant one? What are the roadblocks that you feel hold you back from making these changes?

In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes about the challenge of trying to love in this way. He uses the term “charity” to refer to the type of covenantal love that we’re driving for, and the difficulty that occurs when you don’t have feelings he describes as “love”. 

Though natural likings should normally be encouraged, it would be quite wrong to think that the way to become charitable is to sit trying to manufacture affectionate feelings…The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you “love” your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

Discussion: What do you think of what Lewis is saying here? If you choose to act with love towards someone, do you think your feelings will follow? Does this make it easier or more difficult to have covenantal love towards your spouse over time? 

Discussion: This theory also applies to our relationship with God.  Has there been a time in your life when you’ve simply obeyed God even when you weren’t feeling “love” for Him.  Where did that obedience lead?  Did it induce feelings of love?  

Homework for this week. Take the relationship you chose in the previous discussion. Take time every day this week to pray for the other person in that relationship, then follow through with one action that would demonstrate a more covenantal love towards that person. Come to group next week ready to discuss how this changed the way you saw that person over the course of the week.

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Lord God, we thank you for your love and your Spirit. We ask that you bless us today with the power to love each other in a truly self-giving way throughout our lives. For those of us who need your healing power to be able to experience and give this kind of love, we ask in Faith for that healing. Pour out your Spirit on us now. In your name we pray, Amen.”  

Meaning of Marriage Week 2

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds

OPENING PRAYER: Lord, we come before you willing to learn. Show us tonight how we can better serve those around us and how we can best embody your love that gives to others . In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This week, in the second portion of the series, we learned about the “power source” for the kind of love that God calls us to.

If you were a child in the eighties, there is a fair chance that at some point, you or one of your friends at some point held a toy sword up in the air, stood in a heroic pose, and shouted “By the power of Castle Greyskull!”  The classic TV show “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” was all about a character, Prince Adam, who was charged with protecting the Kingdom of Eternia. However, Adam was weak in and of himself, and would never have been up to this task without the magic power granted to him by his sword. In much the same way, we are called to live lives in which we are submitting ourselves to others. This is something that the Bible says we are fundamentally inclined to not do.   Because of our sinful natures, it’s against our inclination to love in a truly self giving way

Icebreaker: Have you ever experienced self giving love from someone else? What did it look like? How did you react?

“Submission” as a term has a number of different definitions and uses in our society. No doubt, a variety of images and feelings can come about when this term is brought up, many of them negative. As Barry referenced, many times, these ideas have even been used by some in church as a way of battering some into a kind of unhealthy submission, made to feel unvalued and unloved. But submission to God is meant to be a freeing and life giving experience.

“Fear of the Lord” is a phrase and concept used throughout the Bible, often in the Old Testament. The original meaning was used in much the same way as submission to God is. In the book, “Meaning of Marriage,” Timothy Keller also draws parallels in this phrase to that of being “filled with the Spirit,” often used in the New Testament. How are all of these concepts connected? Fearing the Lord, submitting to the Lord, and being filled with the Spirit?

We would normally think of “fear” as a negative emotion. That it’s something we would do only when forced by terrifying power pain, but the scriptures show fear of God as something to be desired. “Fear” in the writers minds, evokes a sense of awe and wonder. To be overwhelmed by the Spirit and Presence of the Living God. In Proverbs 28:14, we read “Happy is the man that feareth God always, but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into evil.”(21^st Century King James Version)

Discussion: Happy is the man that feareth God? Why do we think the writer says this? How do we connect this with Ephesians 5:21 which says to “submit to one another out of Fear of Christ”? Knowing that “Fear of God” and “filled with the Holy Spirit” are connected, how do we address the fact that the writer of Ephesians connects the “Fear of Christ” with “Submission to one another”?

Discussion: If we accept the idea of the Power of God is what lets us be able to fully love one another in a self giving way, how does this determine the way we should approach our relationships with one another? Is it easy to use self giving love in your day to day life? How often do you find yourself tempted to be self centered in your love for someone else? Is it easy to give in? Would anyone like to share an example of a time when they chose to follow a path of self centeredness instead of self giving?

A science experiment that’s often done with elementary or middle school aged children involves taking a sewing needle, then running a magnet across it, from end to the other, always in one direction. Over time, usually a few minutes, the needle becomes slightly magnetized itself. You then take the needle, put it through a cork, and float it in water. This allows the needle to briefly act as a compass, centering itself on the magnetic north pole of the earth. The metal of the needle is reacting to the presence of magnetic power that’s deep in our planet.

But here’s the thing. It only works for a little while. When you’re rubbing the magnet on the needle, it’s essentially imparting magnetism to the needle itself. It draws the metal of the needle into the magnetic relationship that it has with the earth’s core. But over time, the needle loses this imparted relationship, because the needle itself isn’t truly magnetic, it’s only taking that relationship from the magnet. It takes repeated exposure to the magnet to regain this relationship. In the same way, self giving love is not a part of our normal sinful nature, self centeredness is. But  as we expose ourselves over time to the self giving love of Christ, submitting first to Him, we find ourselves picking up His self giving nature, just as the needle takes on the magnetic relationship of the original magnet.

Let’s read James 4:1-12 together. What are the aspects of self centeredness drawn out in these verses? What picture does it paint for us of self giving? How does verses 7-10 help show the place of God in this change?

Finally, we have to recognize that moving from self centeredness to self giving love is harder for some than it is for others. As Keller highlights in “Meaning of Marriage,” some of us come into our relationships with brokenness brought about previous hurts. We remember how we’ve been wronged in the past, and it can help keep us from opening up to the self giving nature of God. Without needing to share. Take a quiet moment and ask yourself, am I letting a past hurt keep me from sharing self giving love in my relationships now? Am I holding pain that has kept me from moving on in a way that shows love and trust to those in my life who most need or deserve it?

Well, the good news is that just as God heals us in so many ways, and just as we are redeemed from sin, as we open ourselves up to His power and Spirit, we get the chance to be healed of these past hurts and move into new self giving love in our relationships today.

Discussion: How can you best experience the healing power of God in your relationships today? What is one step that you think you most need to be able to achieve this kind of healing?

To close, let’s take a moment and pray for each other. Pray for God’s healing and pray for His power as we submit to each other as we “fear” Him.

Lord God, we thank you for your love and your Spirit. We ask that you bless us today with the power to love each other in a truly self giving way throughout our lives. For those of us who need your healing power to be able to experience and give this kind of love, we as in your Faith for that healing. Pour out your Spirit on us now.

In your name we pray, Amen

Meaning of Marriage week 1

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds

OPENING PRAYER: Lord, we come before you willing to learn. Show us tonight how we can better serve those around us and how we can best embody your love that gives to others . In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This week, in the second portion of the series, we learned about the “power source” for the kind of love that God calls us to.

Icebreaker: Barry talked about the Foundations for Farming Garden as an example of what marriage can be like, hard work with great results, or fruit. (to volunteer with the Foundations for Farming garden, contact check out the church website) What's an example of something you worked hard for that lead to some great results or fruit? Did you ever think about quitting while you were working on it? Do you think the hard work had an impact on how much you enjoyed the "fruit"? 

Question: Can you think of a married couple you have met or seen that you see as a model for the kind of marriage you would want? What are the characteristics that make their marriage one you would want to emulate? What struggles do you think they still face, and how do you think that shapes their relationship? 

Barry discussed some of the different perspectives on marriage in our society. Read through the various quotes and discuss what your reaction to them are. Do you think these accurately describe some marriages or not? How do you think they line up with the Bible’s perspective on marriage?

 “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ― Groucho Marx

 “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.” ― Jodi Picoult,

Barry talked a little bit about reasons why people don’t get married, and many of these reasons boiled down to fear. Fear of feeling “tied down” or feelings of the supposedly inevitable failure of the marriage.

 Question: Are you afraid of getting married? If already married, were you afraid beforehand? What were/are your fears?
 Question: In one word, how would you describe the kind of marriage God is desiring for us?

 Ephesians 5:25; 31-33 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband"

 Question: What does it mean to consider Christ’s laying down his life for the church as being a model for how a husband is to love a wife? 

 Question: Consider this idea: Christ died for your marriage just as much as He died for you. Would you agree or disagree with this statement. If true, how does this affect the way you view a marriage?

This series is intended for not only those who are married, but also singles. Barry mentioned that marriage is an integral part of society. Marriage can affect all of us, even if we are not married ourselves, or if we have no intention of ever getting married. Chances are, no matter how “single” you are, you probably know at least one or two married couples in your life. Chances are, you have some impact on at least some marriages, whether you realize it or not. If you’re a manager or supervisor, do you allow employees you oversee have a work/life balance that’s healthy for their marriage? If your married friend is complaining about their spouse, do you reply in a way that shows love and respect for your friend, while also builds up their marriage? Question: If you’re single, how can you served those in your life who are married? Question: Who has been married the longest in the group? What's one piece of advice you would give the singles or newly married couples in the group? Let’s close in prayer by taking a moment to pray for those in the group who are married, as well as those who are not. Take a moment to pray for each other, and the strengthening of the relationships in our lives.

I don't know

I'm listening to the audio book of "Love Wins" by Rob Bell, and with it, I've been reflecting on what I see as many of the most important points of my faith journey.

I will say now, that I am a firm believer in Jesus, who was the Christ(Messiah), and that He was the fulfillment of the Laws and the Prophets given to us in what is known as the "Old Testament." I firmly believe that God, the Creator and Originator of all things has a plan for Humanity and the rest of God's Creation. I believe that the Scriptures we have lays all of this out both clearly and mysteriously. I believe that when I take time to pray each day, be it formal and considered or rushed and emotional, that very same God listens and engages me in return in a conversation that has thus far lasted my whole life, and looks to continue for the time to come. I believe so many things, and I am deeply passionate about a great deal of it. I revel and worship in the greatness and the mysteries I get to explore every day, and I am deeply thankful for the ones I get to explore it with.

But within all of that, I also firmly believe one thing more, and it is something that runs alongside everything else I say and I do.

"I don't know."

That phrase, that statement, is more important than the vast majority of all other things I might believe. It's probably also the hardest thing to embrace. I haven't always grasped it, and even to this day I drift in and out from it all the time. No sooner than I have had a conversation in which I feel I can confidently explain the presence of God or the nature of creation, than I have a whole new completely different experience showing me a different side that u previously would never have considered facing. Every time I strenuously debate a given point, I am lead to see some new facet that tears apart my previous conceptions and leaves me with a shattered world view and a whole new form of thought to discover.

And I love it.

I love being wrong, even if I hate the feeling at the time. I love it because it's a way of growing and getting to know the God I adore, and the Jesus I love in new and interesting ways, like when you find out that your lover enjoys yogurt and you realize it gives you something wholly else to explore together.

And here's the other great thing about embracing "I don't know,"  I get to kick down doors of arguments and closed mindedness and say, "but have you considered?" People who want to turn down the ideas of God because they want to stop and fight about the side notes and secondary things. People who want to talk about how things came first, or who shall marry who, or what does Love even mean, I get to say to them, "I don't know, but let's learn about it together. Let's talk, let's converse, because more than anything else, God wants me to treat you with sacrificial love, and give you a solid friend who will enjoy sharing thoughts and ideas and most importantly, God, with you. I want you to know that God is Love and that wherever two or more are gathered in that name, s/he'll be there. I want you to know how awesome you are, because God made you and me, and when we connect and share, something special is going on. I want you to know that I'm broken and I'm scared and lonely and tired and frustrated and so, so, so really messed up in a lot of ways, and that's OK because it's when I'm at my most tired and messed up and alone that God seems to speak to me the loudest, and it's never been a message of hate or destruction or even judgmentalism, but of reconciliation and humor and love.

I know a lot of things, and I also just don't know so much more

I am an older brother

So I was listening earlier to a teaching on the Prodigal Son, again from the audio book of "Love Wins," (I finished it tonight so you won't have to hear me harp about it again for a little while) and I was struck by the story in a way I hadn't been before.

As the older brother stands outside the party complaining, I feel this deep sense of kinship with him. Life isn't fair. Why don't I get the rewards I feel like I deserve?

Inside, the Father is restoring His lost son, rejoicing in the fact that someone believed dead and gone has returned and can be made new. The younger son isn't revelling in it either, he firmly believed he didn't deserve this kind of welcome, so much so it wasn't even in his plan to ask for it, only to beg to be a slave. But the Father's love restored completely.

Outside though, there is heartache. I deeply remember moments like this, sitting in the hallway at high school, the music pounding on the walls while a dance was going on in the gym, but I couldn't go in, because I felt so alone I couldn't join in. Yes, it made no sense, but when you're a teenager you do silly things.

I remember crying once as a child, sitting outside, literally playing in the dirt and sobbing/singing out the song, "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms." I was alone at the time, so it's not like I was putting on a show for someone, it was just the one thing I could want to do as I wallowed in pity over the fact that I didn't have some toy or some benefit that some other friend had(I honestly can't remember the exact cause of the complaint at the time). I know now as an adult that in some ways that day I was saying a prayer, one I would repeat over and over again throughout my adult life.

Why not me, Lord?

Why  is it when I work hard, or when I'm truly gifted, I don't get the chances other people do? Why do I work away at jobs I hate, doing things that bring me no joy or fulfillment, when I get to see others pursuing their hopes and dreams, and seemingly gaining success effortlessly? Why do I remain faithful, but then feel so alone, walking through a grocery store seeing happy families and thinking that I've lost my chances?

I worked hard in school, but just couldn't pay the bills. I had to drop out of Bible college twice because of finances. Meanwhile, I saw others that I felt were not as gifted or skilled as I was, completing their schooling and going on to great ministries, apparently with never once having had to put in a hard days work like I had.

But there I am, outside the party, refusing to go in.

There are a lot of things I can say at this point. Questions of calling and purpose that I'm simply not going to address here. The ideas of Faith and maturity, as well as knowing that there are fields of calling to be found everywhere. But right now, I want to address this question.

When we stand outside the party and say "Why not me?" we are refusing to celebrate the gifts that are given to our "younger brother." We may not have known the pain and tribulation they had to face, the darkness with the pigs they sat through, but we know the celebration they are being offered now. Before we concern ourselves with what gifts the Father may be giving us, we have to stop and celebrate the gifts being given them. Because love, true love, is about celebrating the gifts given to someone else long before you stop to see what you've been given yourself.

We have to go into the party and embrace our brother and praise our Father, then we'll see what's been given us