The Meaning of Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Obviously, the subject of marriage has been on my mind a great deal as of late. My local church, Vineyard of Florence, has been working through a series on marriage, and I will say, it’s been a blessing. We’ve heard some really great teachings on the topic, and they’ve been very careful to make sure that they’re not restricted to just the married couples in the church, but sharing general rules for relationships for those of us not in marriage either.

But that said, it’s still a hard topic to hear about sometimes when you are certainly not in that boat, like I am. Cooking dinner by myself can certainly be a lonely experience at times, and I definitely have my days when I think longingly of the idea of standing at the end of the aisle waiting for sometime to come walking down.

With this in mind, Paul’s words to the Corinthians can absolutely be a balm to me, but I want to be careful in approaching this. It can be very easy to let my reading be tinged with bitterness or anger. “Yeah, take that!” I might be tempted to say. “I’m better than all you married folks! I obviously love God more!”

Ok, calm down there, bucko. Paul’s words certainly can be used to fuel that rant if that’s your intention, but an honest reading has to recognize his words of balance. “one has this gift, another has that” I think it’s useful at this point to stop and read elsewhere

1 Corinthians 12:20-22, and 24b-26 “As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’ And the head cannot say to the feet, ‘I don’t need you!’ On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ...But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

To some the “gift of singleness” may be given and to other the “gift of marriage.” Both are gifts, and both are necessary parts of the Body of Christ. The Church(universal or cosmic here) wouldn’t be able to function if it were only made of single people or only made of married couples. I also think that leadership benefits from a Godly mix the two. I’ve had wonderful pastors who were married, and I’ve met wonderful pastors who were single. There is a benefit to both, and as Gifts or Manifestations of God in our lives, we have no right to think that we are somehow better or more privileged if we are one or the other.

With that said, it should be noted that this should help highlight in meaning that similarly speaking, singleness is just as much a gift and a manifestation of God as marriage is. Singleness is a blessed state when we may have things to offer that no married couple will.

In the past year as a single man, I’ve had many wonderful opportunities that I don’t think I would have if I were married, or at least I would not have had in exactly the same way. Some of them serve the Kingdom, and some of them serve me. Let’s list ten of them

11      I’ve been able to pursue a more disciplined Bible reading habit. Working my way through the Bible in a year(a feat that, despite years in Bible college and ministry training, along with serving in both professional and lay ministry, I have never attained)

22     I’ve been able to be planted into a wonderful small group of people and learn and pray side by side with them on a weekly basis, growing both in the Lord and as a person.

33     I’ve been able to enjoy all day marathons of watching all the Lord of the Rings movies at once.

44     I’ve devoured entire series through Netflix and Amazon Prime in a matter of weeks.

55     I’ve pursued a renewed focus on my personal health. Watching what I eat, balancing my fruits and veggies and walking. A LOT.

66     I’ve spent entire Sunday afternoons at Starbucks drinking endless free refills of coffee while writing or reading.

77     I’ve been there for friends struggling with depression, texting them throughout the day to cheer them up and let them know they are not alone.

88     I’ve stayed up all night talking to friends about any number of subjects. Quiet times when I get to know someone in a way that I hadn’t before, and participate in conversations that have stretched my mind and opened my heart.

99     I’ve perfected dozens of new recipes, and gotten to play around with new kitchen techniques that I’d never tried before. Mostly through VERY late night cooking.

110   I’ve delved into a new life of prayer, working to fix my mind Jesus throughout the day, and genuinely follow up on all of those “I’ll be praying for you” promises offered, seemingly meaninglessly, throughout the week.

I’m not saying I couldn’t have done those things while in a relationship, but I’ve been uniquely positioned to experience them in a special way because I am alone with God a lot of the time of my day. I’ve been able to pray in a new way, and learn in new ways, and that’s been refreshingly awesome. Now, please don’t take this as I’m constantly praying or reading, and that I’m a holier than though monk living the live of devotion. (Netflix and Amazon Prime do horrible things to my productivity.) Singleness has also opened me up to all kinds of distractions and temptations that I wouldn’t face otherwise.

So I think if I were to put it in a point, I would say there are three things that can be taken as “gifts” for singles in the Lord

1.       Being single can be a time for prayer and devotion unlike any else.

Having a much more complete control of your personal schedule can allow you to devote time to God in a way that others may not have. These can be days of prayer and fasting, seeking after God both in the late and quiet hours of the night, as well as the early and new minutes of the morning. Reading plans are a great way to get into this, or just choose a book you already enjoy and have at it. Delving in and studying it verse by verse.

2.       Being single can be a time for finding who you are in God.

It can be so hard to define ourselves in a given day. We have messages coming at us from all sides, seeking to tell us who we are and what we will be, but God is speaking completely different words to us.

                Isaiah 43:4 “Since you are precious and honored in my sight,  and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life”

It’s God’s desire to let us see that we have value in and of ourselves. Throughout the Bible we hear about the value of people, from the story of the Shepherd leaving the 99, to the Sacrifices made to secure the Promises. And of course, the story of Jesus himself. We do not have value only in our spouse, but we have value in ourselves. When we take the time to find that, we are able to receive a blessing like none other, and the truth is, this can be so much clearer when we are seeking it on our own with God, and not while we are tied into the daily obligations of family, serving a spouse and children.

3.       Being single can be a time of great service for the Kingdom.

There is so much to be done. Jesus said “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few”(Matt 9:37) It takes a lot of people to make church work. Even just looking at a weekend service, it can take dozens, if not hundreds of volunteers to make a weekend work for many local churches depending on size. And while married couples certainly can fill many of those roles, singles are specially positioned to be particularly effective in filling many of these positions. And not only that, there’s entire mission fields, both far and near that need the help. Get out of the church building and find ways to serve in your local community, volunteering in literacy campaigns, recycling drives, and neighborhood cleanups. Find new ways to love your neighbors as you love yourself. Things that may not be options for those who have to worry about being home in time to share dinner with someone, or who need to find out when in laws are coming into town to visit. Put yourself out there as someone willing to serve and willing to share the gifts you’ve been given, and you will be richly rewarded.

So singleness can indeed be a gift. I believe that there are some who may be called to it for life, but for all of us at least, it is at the very least a season we will have to go through. We can either take it as a waiting period for things to “really start” or we can take it as a Gift from God that we should cherish and be thankful for. Guess which one has more to offer?