So I was listening earlier to a teaching on the Prodigal Son, again from the audio book of "Love Wins," (I finished it tonight so you won't have to hear me harp about it again for a little while) and I was struck by the story in a way I hadn't been before.
As the older brother stands outside the party complaining, I feel this deep sense of kinship with him. Life isn't fair. Why don't I get the rewards I feel like I deserve?
Inside, the Father is restoring His lost son, rejoicing in the fact that someone believed dead and gone has returned and can be made new. The younger son isn't revelling in it either, he firmly believed he didn't deserve this kind of welcome, so much so it wasn't even in his plan to ask for it, only to beg to be a slave. But the Father's love restored completely.
Outside though, there is heartache. I deeply remember moments like this, sitting in the hallway at high school, the music pounding on the walls while a dance was going on in the gym, but I couldn't go in, because I felt so alone I couldn't join in. Yes, it made no sense, but when you're a teenager you do silly things.
I remember crying once as a child, sitting outside, literally playing in the dirt and sobbing/singing out the song, "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms." I was alone at the time, so it's not like I was putting on a show for someone, it was just the one thing I could want to do as I wallowed in pity over the fact that I didn't have some toy or some benefit that some other friend had(I honestly can't remember the exact cause of the complaint at the time). I know now as an adult that in some ways that day I was saying a prayer, one I would repeat over and over again throughout my adult life.
Why not me, Lord?
Why is it when I work hard, or when I'm truly gifted, I don't get the chances other people do? Why do I work away at jobs I hate, doing things that bring me no joy or fulfillment, when I get to see others pursuing their hopes and dreams, and seemingly gaining success effortlessly? Why do I remain faithful, but then feel so alone, walking through a grocery store seeing happy families and thinking that I've lost my chances?
I worked hard in school, but just couldn't pay the bills. I had to drop out of Bible college twice because of finances. Meanwhile, I saw others that I felt were not as gifted or skilled as I was, completing their schooling and going on to great ministries, apparently with never once having had to put in a hard days work like I had.
But there I am, outside the party, refusing to go in.
There are a lot of things I can say at this point. Questions of calling and purpose that I'm simply not going to address here. The ideas of Faith and maturity, as well as knowing that there are fields of calling to be found everywhere. But right now, I want to address this question.
When we stand outside the party and say "Why not me?" we are refusing to celebrate the gifts that are given to our "younger brother." We may not have known the pain and tribulation they had to face, the darkness with the pigs they sat through, but we know the celebration they are being offered now. Before we concern ourselves with what gifts the Father may be giving us, we have to stop and celebrate the gifts being given them. Because love, true love, is about celebrating the gifts given to someone else long before you stop to see what you've been given yourself.
We have to go into the party and embrace our brother and praise our Father, then we'll see what's been given us
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