Meaning of Marriage Week 4

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds (Week 4)

OPENING PRAYER: Lord Jesus, we ask that you, our true friend, take this time to teach us more about friendship. To those both in the church and outside, to relatives, and to our spouses. In your name we pray, Amen.

“Your mission should you choose to accept it…”

This week, we’re going to dig into the “Mission” of marriage. What it’s purpose is, why it was formed. When you understand the “why” of something, it can make the “how” so much easier to grasp!

Icebreaker: When you hear the word “mission,” what comes to mind? Is it a specific image or emotion? Maybe a story? How do you feel applying these things to marriage?

As stated, this week we dug into the “mission” of marriage. To begin, let’s look to the founding of marriage in the Bible. Take turns reading Genesis 2:4-15. *printed here if a Bible isn’t available.

This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, when the Lord God made the earth and the heavens.

Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth[a] and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, but streams[b] came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. The name of the first is the Pishon; it winds through the entire land of Havilah, where there is gold. (The gold of that land is good; aromatic resin and onyx are also there.) The name of the second river is the Gihon; it winds through the entire land of Cush. The name of the third river is the Tigris; it runs along the east side of Ashur. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

At this point, it’s pretty clear God had a purpose for Adam. The verses leading up to this have told us of God’s initiating Creation, taking the steps to bring into existence all of the things we would normally think of as part of our world. It’s been a well ordered process, broken up into “days” and has had clear categories for what God is making. Everything has had the mark of order and planning. Genesis chapter 1 has literally been the story of taking things from chaos(translated as “formless and empty” in the NIV) to beauty and structure.

But here’s the thing, up until now, none of the creatures described were given a “purpose.” God didn’t say to the fish, “it’s your job to patrol the oceans,” or say to the trees “I really need you guys to hold onto the ground and make sure it doesn’t run away.” We know from science that all things created have a very specific place in the world, and we’ve seen the kind of chaos that can be fraught when a species is driven into extinction.(Usually because human beings haven’t done their job of taking care of the “garden” of Earth) So it’s not that God didn’t have a purpose for those creatures, but humankind is the only portion of creation that God stopped to actually communicate His purpose to.

Discussion: How do you think we’re to interpret God’s mission given to Adam today? What does it mean that God’s stopping to tell Adam his purpose, but didn’t do so for anything else in creation?

Now let’s pick back up reading in Genesis 2:18-24

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Some very interesting things are happening here. In verse 18, God says that it’s not good for man to be alone. God has given Adam a HUGE job to do! And immediately God recognizes that there’s NO WAY Adam could ever do it on his own! God knows Adam will need some help to accomplish the things God has set out for him. Next, God says He will create a “helper” for Adam.

The word used here in the Hebrew is עֵ֫זֶר, or “Ezer.” (pronounced “et-zer” the “z” sound in the Hebrew is paired with a “t”)It is traditionally translated as “helper” throughout the Old Testament. But let’s look at some other verses it gets used in: (leaders, if possible, ask for some volunteers to read these verses)

Deuteronomy 33:29 “Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will tread on their heights.”

Hosea 13:9 “You are destroyed, Israel, because you are against me, against your helper”

Psalm 121:1-2(It gets used here TWICE!) “I lift up my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth”

1 Samuel 7:12 “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer,[ Ebenezer means stone of help] saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’”

Isn’t it interesting that this word, “Ezer” which gets used to describe the “helper” that God knows Adam needs, that God knows will be Eve, is used so often to describe our relationship with God? This should help us understand that this word, which we translate as “helper,” does NOT mean merely “assistant” or “employee.” It’s a source of strength and assuredness. An “ezer” is a crucial part of getting any project done. A true partner.

Discussion: How do you see your spouse as an “ezer”? How do you feel when you consider the verses describing God this way using the same word that God used to describe the purpose for Eve?

Discussion: Barry talked this week about how strong marriage should be based on friendship, and having something in common. Knowing what we’ve seen here with God’s mission given to Adam and Eve as “ezer”s for each other, how does this affect what we see in building a common purpose in our marriages?

Our homework last week was to take time praying for our spouse or another individual in our lives, and then look for one way to serve them. How did this go? Does anyone have experience to share from this?

Take a moment and pray with each other individually or as a group. 

Closing Prayer: “Lord God, we thank you for your love and your Spirit. We ask that you bless us today with the power to love each other in a truly self-giving way throughout our lives. For those of us who need your healing power to be able to experience and give this kind of love, we ask in Faith for that healing. Pour out your Spirit on us now. In your name we pray, Amen.”