Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Meaning of Marriage Week 2

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds
OPENING PRAYER: Lord, we come before you willing to learn. Show us tonight how we can better serve those around us and how we can best embody your love that gives to others . In Jesus’ name, Amen.
This week, in the second portion of the series, we learned about the “power source” for the kind of love that God calls us to.

If you were a child in the eighties, there is a fair chance that at some point, you or one of your friends at some point held a toy sword up in the air, stood in a heroic pose, and shouted “By the power of Castle Greyskull!”  The classic TV show “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” was all about a character, Prince Adam, who was charged with protecting the Kingdom of Eternia. However, Adam was weak in and of himself, and would never have been up to this task without the magic power granted to him by his sword. In much the same way, we are called to live lives in which we are submitting ourselves to others. This is something that the Bible says we are fundamentally inclined to not do.   Because of our sinful natures, it’s against our inclination to love in a truly self giving way

Icebreaker: Have you ever experienced self giving love from someone else? What did it look like? How did you react?


“Submission” as a term has a number of different definitions and uses in our society. No doubt, a variety of images and feelings can come about when this term is brought up, many of them negative. As Barry referenced, many times, these ideas have even been used by some in church as a way of battering some into a kind of unhealthy submission, made to feel unvalued and unloved. But submission to God is meant to be a freeing and life giving experience.

“Fear of the Lord” is a phrase and concept used throughout the Bible, often in the Old Testament. The original meaning was used in much the same way as submission to God is. In the book, “Meaning of Marriage,” Timothy Keller also draws parallels in this phrase to that of being “filled with the Spirit,” often used in the New Testament. How are all of these concepts connected? Fearing the Lord, submitting to the Lord, and being filled with the Spirit?

We would normally think of “fear” as a negative emotion. That it’s something we would do only when forced by terrifying power pain, but the scriptures show fear of God as something to be desired. “Fear” in the writers minds, evokes a sense of awe and wonder. To be overwhelmed by the Spirit and Presence of the Living God. In Proverbs 28:14, we read “Happy is the man that feareth God always, but he that hardeneth his heart shall fall into evil.”(21st Century King James Version)

Discussion: Happy is the man that feareth God? Why do we think the writer says this? How do we connect this with Ephesians 5:21 which says to “submit to one another out of Fear of Christ”? Knowing that “Fear of God” and “filled with the Holy Spirit” are connected, how do we address the fact that the writer of Ephesians connects the “Fear of Christ” with “Submission to one another”?

Discussion: If we accept the idea of the Power of God is what lets us be able to fully love one another in a self giving way, how does this determine the way we should approach our relationships with one another? Is it easy to use self giving love in your day to day life? How often do you find yourself tempted to be self centered in your love for someone else? Is it easy to give in? Would anyone like to share an example of a time when they chose to follow a path of self centeredness instead of self giving?

A science experiment that’s often done with elementary or middle school aged children involves taking a sewing needle, then running a magnet across it, from end to the other, always in one direction. Over time, usually a few minutes, the needle becomes slightly magnetized itself. You then take the needle, put it through a cork, and float it in water. This allows the needle to briefly act as a compass, centering itself on the magnetic north pole of the earth. The metal of the needle is reacting to the presence of magnetic power that’s deep in our planet.

But here’s the thing. It only works for a little while. When you’re rubbing the magnet on the needle, it’s essentially imparting magnetism to the needle itself. It draws the metal of the needle into the magnetic relationship that it has with the earth’s core. But over time, the needle loses this imparted relationship, because the needle itself isn’t truly magnetic, it’s only taking that relationship from the magnet. It takes repeated exposure to the magnet to regain this relationship. In the same way, self giving love is not a part of our normal sinful nature, self centeredness is. But  as we expose ourselves over time to the self giving love of Christ, submitting first to Him, we find ourselves picking up His self giving nature, just as the needle takes on the magnetic relationship of the original magnet.

Let’s read James 4:1-12 together. What are the aspects of self centeredness drawn out in these verses? What picture does it paint for us of self giving? How does verses 7-10 help show the place of God in this change?

Finally, we have to recognize that moving from self centeredness to self giving love is harder for some than it is for others. As Keller highlights in “Meaning of Marriage,” some of us come into our relationships with brokenness brought about previous hurts. We remember how we’ve been wronged in the past, and it can help keep us from opening up to the self giving nature of God. Without needing to share. Take a quiet moment and ask yourself, am I letting a past hurt keep me from sharing self giving love in my relationships now? Am I holding pain that has kept me from moving on in a way that shows love and trust to those in my life who most need or deserve it?

Well, the good news is that just as God heals us in so many ways, and just as we are redeemed from sin, as we open ourselves up to His power and Spirit, we get the chance to be healed of these past hurts and move into new self giving love in our relationships today.

Discussion: How can you best experience the healing power of God in your relationships today? What is one step that you think you most need to be able to achieve this kind of healing?

To close, let’s take a moment and pray for each other. Pray for God’s healing and pray for His power as we submit to each other as we “fear” Him.

Lord God, we thank you for your love and your Spirit. We ask that you bless us today with the power to love each other in a truly self giving way throughout our lives. For those of us who need your healing power to be able to experience and give this kind of love, we as in your Faith for that healing. Pour out your Spirit on us now.

In your name we pray, Amen

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