Meaning of Marriage week 1

The following post is from a series of small group discussion guides I wrote for my local church to go along with the weekend messages. The message series, enttitled "The Meaning of Marriage" heavily referenced the book of the same name by Timothy and Kathy Keller. The book can be found at your local bookstore, and original message series can be found at vineyardchristian.org

The Meaning of Marriage: For singles and marrieds

OPENING PRAYER: Lord, we come before you willing to learn. Show us tonight how we can better serve those around us and how we can best embody your love that gives to others . In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This week, in the second portion of the series, we learned about the “power source” for the kind of love that God calls us to.

Icebreaker: Barry talked about the Foundations for Farming Garden as an example of what marriage can be like, hard work with great results, or fruit. (to volunteer with the Foundations for Farming garden, contact check out the church website) What's an example of something you worked hard for that lead to some great results or fruit? Did you ever think about quitting while you were working on it? Do you think the hard work had an impact on how much you enjoyed the "fruit"? 

Question: Can you think of a married couple you have met or seen that you see as a model for the kind of marriage you would want? What are the characteristics that make their marriage one you would want to emulate? What struggles do you think they still face, and how do you think that shapes their relationship? 

Barry discussed some of the different perspectives on marriage in our society. Read through the various quotes and discuss what your reaction to them are. Do you think these accurately describe some marriages or not? How do you think they line up with the Bible’s perspective on marriage?

 “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ― Groucho Marx

 “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.” ― Jodi Picoult,

Barry talked a little bit about reasons why people don’t get married, and many of these reasons boiled down to fear. Fear of feeling “tied down” or feelings of the supposedly inevitable failure of the marriage.

 Question: Are you afraid of getting married? If already married, were you afraid beforehand? What were/are your fears?
 Question: In one word, how would you describe the kind of marriage God is desiring for us?

 Ephesians 5:25; 31-33 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband"

 Question: What does it mean to consider Christ’s laying down his life for the church as being a model for how a husband is to love a wife? 

 Question: Consider this idea: Christ died for your marriage just as much as He died for you. Would you agree or disagree with this statement. If true, how does this affect the way you view a marriage?

This series is intended for not only those who are married, but also singles. Barry mentioned that marriage is an integral part of society. Marriage can affect all of us, even if we are not married ourselves, or if we have no intention of ever getting married. Chances are, no matter how “single” you are, you probably know at least one or two married couples in your life. Chances are, you have some impact on at least some marriages, whether you realize it or not. If you’re a manager or supervisor, do you allow employees you oversee have a work/life balance that’s healthy for their marriage? If your married friend is complaining about their spouse, do you reply in a way that shows love and respect for your friend, while also builds up their marriage? Question: If you’re single, how can you served those in your life who are married? Question: Who has been married the longest in the group? What's one piece of advice you would give the singles or newly married couples in the group? Let’s close in prayer by taking a moment to pray for those in the group who are married, as well as those who are not. Take a moment to pray for each other, and the strengthening of the relationships in our lives.