I don't know

I'm listening to the audio book of "Love Wins" by Rob Bell, and with it, I've been reflecting on what I see as many of the most important points of my faith journey.

I will say now, that I am a firm believer in Jesus, who was the Christ(Messiah), and that He was the fulfillment of the Laws and the Prophets given to us in what is known as the "Old Testament." I firmly believe that God, the Creator and Originator of all things has a plan for Humanity and the rest of God's Creation. I believe that the Scriptures we have lays all of this out both clearly and mysteriously. I believe that when I take time to pray each day, be it formal and considered or rushed and emotional, that very same God listens and engages me in return in a conversation that has thus far lasted my whole life, and looks to continue for the time to come. I believe so many things, and I am deeply passionate about a great deal of it. I revel and worship in the greatness and the mysteries I get to explore every day, and I am deeply thankful for the ones I get to explore it with.

But within all of that, I also firmly believe one thing more, and it is something that runs alongside everything else I say and I do.

"I don't know."

That phrase, that statement, is more important than the vast majority of all other things I might believe. It's probably also the hardest thing to embrace. I haven't always grasped it, and even to this day I drift in and out from it all the time. No sooner than I have had a conversation in which I feel I can confidently explain the presence of God or the nature of creation, than I have a whole new completely different experience showing me a different side that u previously would never have considered facing. Every time I strenuously debate a given point, I am lead to see some new facet that tears apart my previous conceptions and leaves me with a shattered world view and a whole new form of thought to discover.

And I love it.

I love being wrong, even if I hate the feeling at the time. I love it because it's a way of growing and getting to know the God I adore, and the Jesus I love in new and interesting ways, like when you find out that your lover enjoys yogurt and you realize it gives you something wholly else to explore together.

And here's the other great thing about embracing "I don't know,"  I get to kick down doors of arguments and closed mindedness and say, "but have you considered?" People who want to turn down the ideas of God because they want to stop and fight about the side notes and secondary things. People who want to talk about how things came first, or who shall marry who, or what does Love even mean, I get to say to them, "I don't know, but let's learn about it together. Let's talk, let's converse, because more than anything else, God wants me to treat you with sacrificial love, and give you a solid friend who will enjoy sharing thoughts and ideas and most importantly, God, with you. I want you to know that God is Love and that wherever two or more are gathered in that name, s/he'll be there. I want you to know how awesome you are, because God made you and me, and when we connect and share, something special is going on. I want you to know that I'm broken and I'm scared and lonely and tired and frustrated and so, so, so really messed up in a lot of ways, and that's OK because it's when I'm at my most tired and messed up and alone that God seems to speak to me the loudest, and it's never been a message of hate or destruction or even judgmentalism, but of reconciliation and humor and love.

I know a lot of things, and I also just don't know so much more